


the class A type of a girl

by Sookee



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/F, Healing, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:42:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27378913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sookee/pseuds/Sookee
Summary: Ellie has hit rock bottem years ago. Troubled past, living on the streets, hiding from the police and beeing highly drug addict, she has lost all hope. But things are about to change when she accidently meets Dina, a warm, caring and beautiful stranger.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 54
Kudos: 132





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> First ever posted fanfic and its gonna be rough. Don't really know how to use tags or warnings here so be careful. There are mentions and explict scenes of rape, prostitution, suicidal thoughts, lots of swearing and drug abuse obviously if you can't live with any of it, this might be not you fic. To all others I wish a pleasant trip ;) Also I'm no english nativ, have fun !

She hated Seattle Ellie tought as the sky above her began to turn darker. There was a distant rumbling to hear from the aproching storm. It would soon start to rain. This was a very bad day for her. The weather has been bad for over a week now and today seemd to be no different. Not many people wanted to be outside on the streets these days, with the wind constantly blowing strong and cold and the immediate chance to get utterly wet. And this, of course, became a huge problem for Ellie, because she highy depended on those people and their good will.

"Fuck this" Ellie mutterd to herself as she began to pack her few belongings. 

She was in her usual spot infront of the subway station, near the park she was currently calling her home. Playing her guitar, trying to earn some money for a decent meal, or more likely, for a fix.   
Looking into the small beat up tin can, she used to collect money from by passing strangers, she hung her head in defeat. Counting the few coins, adding them to her savings from the last days she cursed again.

"Fuck fuck fuck." She tossed the empty can over the concrete.

She roughly had ten bucks. Enough to eat at least, but scratching her itchy skin, she knew she couldnt afford to not buy any drugs today. Ellie knew the itching would soon become a burning sensation and her limps and head would start to hurt, she´d start sweating like one does while having a bad fever. After this, her stomach would get sick, turning her inside out and then the pain in her body would get unbearable.

She tried a few times to get clean. Each time were one of the worst experiences in her life. And she had a shitloade of shitty expierences to compare them with. Her mind wanderd back to dark places. A windowless room, the cold of dirty tiles, being pined down, the reek of his breath, the pain of a sharp blade cutting her skin. David...

Another sudden rumbling across the sky cut her out of her thoughts. The first few droplets of rain touched her skin. Ellie let out the breath she didn´t realised shes been holding. She had more urgend problems now than her troubeld past. Like where to get enough money from for even a small dose of heroine. Just enough to help her through the night, to take away the itching long enough to come up with a better plan to earn money, when nobody wants to go outside and listen to her shitty streetrat music.

Maybe she could try and play down in the subway station again. Maybe just an hour or two. Get enough money for a small pack and hope that the weather would become better soon. She knew of course that this was a bad idea.   
It was forbidden for street musicians or beggars to try and earn their money inside the stations. Normaly nobody bats an eye over this. 

But for Ellie things were different, after an encounter with one of the subway employees.  
It was a month ago. A day simillar to this. Bad weather made her climbing down the stairs to the station. She was playing nearly four hours with small breaks now and than but making some deacent money as the trains rolled in and out. Enough money even that she decided to reward herself with a quik but good fix.   
She took a bit to much, passed out with her guitar next to her and the needle still in her arm. The man that harshly woke her was furious. An asshole,visibly disgusted by the girl infront of him. He called the cops and Ellie run as fast as she could in her state. This was the last time she dared to enter the subway.

To say that she was afraid of the police was and huge understatmant. After all, she was in this mess becaus she was hiding from them. Not willing to go to jail or worse, because of the thing that happend with David.   
David...

Thunder struck and the rain was pouring down on her with force suddenly.  
She pulled up the gray cotton hood of her run down leather jacket. But the thin fabric was no use against the rain and she was completly drenched within seconds. She eyed the entrance of the station on more time before turning her back, grabbing her guitar and backpack, to finde the only person that might or might not be willing to help Ellie out.

Abby lived across town, more than an hour walk from her park. Ellies skin began to hurt. She had only a few more blocks to pass but the agonyzing feel of withdrawl was making her more and more desprate. Ellie didn´t even knew if the blond would help her out. She knew she always had a storage at home, but Abby was not the woman to give something away for free.  
But maybe a discount or something like that. She had nothing more to offer than her body, but Ellie was in a state in which she was almost willing to do anything for a fix.   
And she knew that might be exactly what Abby would take from her. Thinking about what happend last time she was desperate enough to visite the blonde sent a cold shiver down her spine. But maybe that was due to the lousy weather.   
Fuck Seattle, it was time to leave this shithole and its constant bad weather behind. She could travell south if she managed to save up some money. 

Starting new was always risky. You have to get to know the place, know where you can spend the night away from trouble, know where you have to be to earn money and of course where you can spend it. Its hard to learn these things, because you cannot simply ask around can you?  
"Uhm hello Sir, may I ask you where some hobo like me can get some decent heroine and would you be so kind to show me the most compfterable park bench. I'd gladly play you a song or two for it." She chuckeld. It'd be almost funny enough to try it out once, but no, better be safe than funny. She usually only moved towns when it became to dangerous to stay for her. Like when people began to ask questions. And in Seattle most people didn't even looked at her and those who noticed her tried to forget about her as soon as they could. 

It still rained merciless as she turned around the corner looking at the high building infront of her, where Abby lived and she began to ran acorss the street. 

She heard the honk before she felt the impact and pain shoot throug her body. She barely registered flying above the car and by the time her body made contact with the street she already lost consciousness.

When she opend her eyes she knew she was dead. Because of the blinding white light and the angel infront of her.

"Finally" Ellie said with a smile.


	2. 2

"Oh thank God you´re not dead." 

The image infront of her did not change. The light was still too bright to see anything except the angel like face. 

"Is everything okay? Are you hurt? Oh of course your hurt you are bleeding! Shit, I´m so, so sorry. I didn´t see you. You were running so fast and... oh my god, I´m so sorry. " she heard the angel say, panic in her voice. 

And what a beautiful voice it was. Ellie smiled at her, ready to go to what ever better place this voice would take her to.   
But then, she knew that she must still be alive, because she felt the wetness of the pouring rain on her face and a searing pain inside of her head. Clearly rain and and pain would not bother you when you´re dead right?  
She blinked once, twice and registered she was still lying on the street. Her Vision cleared a bit as she moved her head. The lights she misstook for heaven were infact the cars headlights and the angel was, maybe the most beautiful girl in the world. Olive skin, dark hair and brown warm eyes looking down to her full of worry. Ellie closed her eyes again to take away the pain, which the bright lights were causing her damaged head and to mesmerzise the face infront of her. 

"Hey, please, hey! Stay awake for me. Please! Jesse!"

Ellie opend her eyes again. Jesse? Who was Jesse?  
Another face emerged from behind the girl. A tall asian guy, standing now right next to the girl that kneeld infront of her.

"Jesse what are we about to do, I ran over a girl, you have to call the police and an ambulance!"

He pated her shoulder.

"Dina don´t freak out. I think she is..... well, alright." He said looking at Ellie. His face turned from shock to relief to...disgust as he took in Ellie.   
To his defence one does not have to be an expert to see that Ellie, even not beeing freshly run over by a car, was in no good shape. She was skinny, even coninsidered her thick hoodie and jacket her bones stuck out on hips shoulders and cheeks. She had havy bags under her eyes, her lips chaped, her auburn hair dulled and her whole body covered in bruises, scratches and dirt. Then, of course there were the other unmistakable signs of years from drug abusing and living on the streets.

"What the hell?! Jesse what are you talking about? I ran her over with my fucking car. Go and call the police now!" She was furious with him now. Glaring daggers at him.

"Dina look at her. She is clearly a hobo or a junky, or both. Just make sure she is good to go, leave her some money and come back to the car."

"Are you freaking kidding me now Jesse?! Have you lost your fucking mind? Go the fuck back to the car and call the fucking cops!"

He threw up this arms in defence but dared not say anymore as he walks back to the car. The girl, Dina, turned back to Ellie now, her eyes softening again. And Ellie melted away under her gaze as she began to stroke her forehead.

"Dont worry, he can be an ass but he means well, normaly. Hang in there help is coming." 

Ellie moved again at this. Fully understanding what was about to happend. She lifted herself up enough, that she now was resting on her elbows. But the other girl tried to ease her back by resting a hand on her shoulder.

"No, don´t move, you might have a concussion. "

"No cops" was everything Ellie managed to say.

"What?" Dina didnt seem to understand.

"I said no cops" Ellie pushed the gentle hand away to get up.

"But we have to..."

"No cops" she cut the other girl.

"But... fine okay but we have to get you to the hospital and let you be checked out by a docter."

"No, no docters, no cops, no nothing." She tried to stand up but the pain in her head was still there and she felt dizzy.

"But your hurt, your bleeding. Fuck I ran you over with my car."

Ellie reached out for her temple and the back of her head, where the pain is coming from an her hand came away slightly bloody.

"Its nothing...I`ve had worse."

"I bet" the man said again standing behinde Dina.

"Jesse what the fuck, can you stop beeing a dick for a minute and do what I asked you to?"

He held out his phone.

"Batterys dead, plus she said she don´t want anything. Dina leave her be, she´ll be alright. As alright as she can..."

"Jesse if you don´t want to help just leave."

"But D..."

"Go wait in the car!"

He huffed in frustration and turend around again. There was silence for a moment. Dina looked at Ellie again pity in her eyes now. It was the worst possible thing for Ellie. Pity. Pity didn´t filled her stomach, pity didn´t take away the pain, pity didnt silencend her demons calling to her. Pity just made her feel even less than she was. It fueld her rage.

"I´m so sorry..." Dina began, but Ellie cut her of again.

"He is right you know, with everything. I´m a fucking junky, I don´t need your fucking help, I don´t want a fucking thing from you and I dont need your fuckin pity!" With that she stumbled to her feet, clutching her head for a second and ran away from this strange beautiful girl.

"Hey wait!" Dina called out but it was already to late. When she turned around she noticed that even though the injured girl got of pretty lucky other things did not. A few steps a way layed a broken guitar and a run down back pack. She gatherd both and made her way to the car. Sitting in silence next to Jesse for the rest of the ride and decideted, that maybe she would like to keep this silence with him for a long time now.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted you to know that I was high as fuck writting this one. also it gets darker, brace yourself.

Standing infront of the apartment complex Abby lived in, Ellie rung the bell five times in a row unpatiently. 

"Come on Abby, open up! Fuck I know you`re home" 

She needed a fucking fix now. Her whole body hurt and Ellie wasn't quite sure, if it was because of the accident or the withdrawal. But she knew, she wouldn't be sweating like she does in this kind of weather if she had enough drugs running through her system. 

She rung the bell again. Stepping from left to right, thightening the grip on her body. What if Abby was not even home? It was still early evening the sky above her told her. She could turn and look for one of the other dealers she knew, but it was no use. No one would give her what she need without money.

She punched the door, ratttlig it, but it was stupid. Abby lived on the seventh floor. She'd never hear her pointless atempt. But than the speaker in the wall cracked to live.

"Yeah? Who's this?"

"Hey.... its, its me." 

There was silence on the other end for way too long, but after an agonyzingly long time Ellie heard the mechanical humming and opend the door.

Abby opend the door to her apartment after a few knocks, blocking the way in with her massive frame. Looking at her from head to toe.

"Don't you look like shit." she stated. All wet, bruiesed and dirty hugging her skinny frame to stop her from trembling, Ellie must indeed look like a fucked up pile of shit.

"I...I need your help. Please."

"Well I can see that. You got any money?"

Ellie didn't answer, but Abby already knew. There was no reason Ellie would go to her, if she had enough money to buy drugs elsewhere. It was not a first time thing that the desprate girl stood infront of her, asking her for help in exchange for some pleasentrys. Even in her fucked up state, Ellie still was kind of nice too look at. The pale freckled skin, the green of her eyes, it was appealing. But Abby mostly loved her vulnerability. Having the girl completely at her mercy, depending on her and willing to do anything was... exciting. She smiled und lifted her broad arm, gesturing her to get inside.

"Come on in then. Get on the couch an strip of your clothes. You're wetting my floor."

"Abby, I need my fix first. I can't. My whole body is hurting." This was only half the truth. Sure she was hurting and desperate to feel the drugs rush through her blood, but it would also make everything that was about to come more endurable for her. 

"Yeah, yeah we get there, just wait you needy little rat. I have some preperations to do."

She hated what was about to happen. Abby was sick when it comes to her. She would be rough, she would be humiliating, this would all be about her sole pleasure. Ellie would surley hate every fucking minute. But there was no use was there? It was the only way.   
Ellie tried to remember the last time she actually enjoyed sex, as she shed her jacket and Jeans and lifted up her hoodie.

Her minde wanderd back to Cat, her ex back in San Francisco a few years ago but she could not really picture her face anymore. This must be due to the drugs. Instead her mind wanderd of to the angel like girl she met only a few minutes ago. Dina. What a beautiful name. What a beautiful face. She regretted being so harsh to her a bit but it was not like she woud see her again.

"Here catch" Abby threw a plastik bag to her. Ellie was not quick enough to catch it but eagerly crawled across the floor to get what was inside of it.

"You're so fucked up, you know. Take what you need, before you pass out on me. Wouldn't want you to miss the whole fun." she snickerd. 

Ellie was quick to prepare her fix and finding a vein on her hip. Taking in a long raged breathe before, she stung the needel into her skin. It hurt less than a second and after the piercing sensation of the sharp needel tearing a hole, a wave of heat flood her body. She felt like she would lie down on a huge compfterable cloud. All the pain, the hunger, the fucked up thoughts left her body, leaving nothing but warmth and happieness. This was the only way she could feel at ease, to feel good, Ellie knew. But it was not enough, never enough, she would need more soon.

Beeing only in her underwear and a ragged tank top, she sunk back into the couch. She couldn't grasp a single tought anymore only enjoying the feeling of the heroin in her system.

"Ugh your disgusting, you know that. When was the last time you properly cleand yourself? And what happend to your face anyway, it looks like you've been hit by a truck."

The tall, muscular blonde towerd infront of her, looking down at her with visible aversion mixed with a wicked intrest. But Ellie couldn't care less. She got what she wanted after all.

The first thing she felt were huge hands gripping her roughly and lifting up her tight black tank top. It felt distant. Like beeing touched while still fast asleep. But it was there far far away. The hands wandered upwards, fingernails scratched her skin while stripping her nearly naked.

"Look at you. Skinny littel junky bitch. Are you already out of your body? Has your fucked up brain left you yet? Can you not feel my hands anymore?"  
She grapped her right boob roughly at this. Squeezing it tight, Abby ungently pushed her back on the couch. As Ellies bare back made contact with the fabric she looked up for the first time.

Abby, the ridiculously stronge, musceld woman was also half naked. Wearing only a thight black jeans. Ellie registered the huge bulge in her jeans, but her mind couldn't put two and two together. Instead she tried to foucus on the rest of the woman hovering above her. Her abs, the firm flat breast and broad arms, she was intimidating to say. Abby had an evil smirk on her face now. 

"Ahh...there she is. Good for me then. It wouldn't be half as good if you wouldn't at least notice all the things I will do to you to night. " 

She sat down on Ellies lap now, straddling her, gripping at her small breasts and pinching her nipple. Ellie closed her eyes at this and let her mind wander as she began to drift away on that comforting cloud.

"No no no, you got to stay with me a while here or I will be very bad to you." Her voice was harsh and harsher even were her hands, now at Ellies neck, chocking her. Even in her state, Ellie noticed the pain and the needing to breath was urgent. It brought her back a littel from the warm space in her head. Abby released her as she began to gag.

"Now that's a good girl. Come on lets enjoy ourselfs a bit and then you can get the next shot, you little whore." she got up again from Ellie but coming back down head resting between her legs.

"Ugh you reek littel rat. I guess we have to clean you up later, but for this round I guess it dosent matter. " Abby pulled Ellies panties down slowly taking in the sight.

"You know you could be quite good looking if you just wouldn't be so fucked up I guess. "

She smacked her thights rough at this and Ellie winced. 

"Don't worry Ellie. I'll still fuck you even if you reek and look like death. Now come look up I got something to show you." She opened the buckel of her belt, opened the zipper and pushed her pants down enough to let them fall to the ground. Between her legs, right at her crothch was towering a huge black strap on. She smirked again as the slight reflection of fear passed Ellies clouded eyes. Ellie didn't liked the idea of what was about to come one bit. Still feeling pretty sedated though she braced herself and tried to get back to that warm place inside her head.

"Like what you see, little rat? Yeah thats a big bad boy huh? I got it only for you, after our last meeting. I knew you needy little junky bitch would sooner or later come here again. You worthless bitch would alwasy come when you're just desprate enough right? Maybe you just want your stuff, but I think you might like what I have to offer. " She was laughing at her. Now bending down grapping her wrist and pulling Ellie up again to sit straight on the couch. 

"Here." she said grapping Ellies chin, pulling her face closer to the dildo. "Take a close look. This will fill your skinny ass to the brim soon." 

Ellie tried to shake her head free of the hand but Abby would just thighten her grip.

"Ah to bad, you dont like it?" She laughed again and her voice getting deeper. "Maybe we put it in your mouth, so you can taste it properly first hm?" At this Abbys hand left her chin and instead grabbed the back of her head and pushed her down on the whole length. Swallowing it whole at once Ellie choked and tried to get back and breath again.

"Yeah thats good huh? Needy little bitch." She trustet froward roughly a few times thightning her iron like grip at the smaller girl and started pulling her hair.

"Mhh this feels good for me too you know this thing works both ways." She moaned. "but you still have to earn your next fix a bit more. Come on suck me. "  
But Ellie couldn't even breath properly. It hurts her and while the heroine took most of her pain away she couldn't help her reflexes. She clawed at Abbys thigh strong enough to draw blood in one last attempt to get away from the woman, who was about to suffocate her with a giant fake penis. And it worked.

"Ahh you little bitch." Abby slapped her across the face hard enough to cause Ellie falling from the couch.  
"Didn't thought you put up so much of a fight anymore. But its okay for me you know. Its more fun like this. " She said grabbing Ellie by the neck, pulling her up. Something snister flickerd through Abbys eyes as she looked at this druged girl panting in her hands.

"Come on, fucking you on the couch is to cliche don't you think. "

She took the belt from her abandoned pants and tied Ellies wrist together. Dragging her across the room she lifted her up and tied her to the pole she used for her morning pull ups. Standing on shaking legs, tied to the pole, Ellie wouldn't be able to resist very much now. Abby turnd around to take the vodka bottel that sat among others at a shelf. She took a large gulp but didn't swallo, instead she pressed her mouth to Ellies forcing it down the smaller girls throat. The vodka burnt up her insides but it was a familiar feeling and not unpleasent.

"This will help you ease up a bit." She said as she took a fair swig herself. "Althought, I know you want something else of course. Don't worry we get to this but first.." she took another sip before she spat in her hand and touched the strap on again, trying to lubricate it a bit and lining its broad head up with Ellies entrance.  
"You're always so fucking dry. Are you not happy to be here little rat?" Without hesitation she pushed in as far as she could. Ellie moand at the sudden spread. Not used to beeing so full. It hurt. Her eyes flutter open looking down on the big hands that clutched her skinny hips and the massiv dildo buried deep in her. There was still too much outside which never gonna fit her. She moand again as Abby began to move their hips in sync. 

"Ugh such a good girl, you like it don't you? Yeah, that's it take it all the way inside. "

Ellie just shut her eyes at this. Not willing to look at what was happening. There was no use, she thought as she tried to escape into her dulled mind again. She still felt the strap on moving inside her but as moments passed it began to hurt less and she began to care less. Abby panted heavily above her getting more worked up until she finally came.

There were a few moments of silence between them. Only Abbys panting could be heard.

"Really Ellie...what have you done to yourself, that not even this makes you feel a thing." She looked at her with concern. Abby was not fully a bad person. She was no good either for sure. But the girl infront of her, hanging from a pole, taking close to no part in what happend to her over the last 30 minutes, kind of scared her. 

Shes not living in this world anymore Abby thought to herself shaking her head. She moved back to the couch to get the plastic bag where she stored her drugs. It was an impresive collection and enough to get you high for a month. Everything you needed to fuck your brain up right. Coke, speed, ecstasy, a few joints and collection of differant pills she couldn't even pronounce the names of. And of course heroin and other opiate, but Abby never dared to take some herself.   
Looking at people like Ellie, who was still hanging there, not having moved once after Abby had let go of her, she never felt the desire to. She went to the bathroom to get the small mirror and prepeard some lines. She took one, fished a cigarette out of the small box on the table in front of her, put it in her mouth and lit it up. Resting her feet on the table now she exhaled and turned up her gaze to look at Ellie.

"Hey rat you're still with me there? " She threw the pack of cigaretts at the small woman. It landed on her head causing her to stir out of whatever trance she was in. The auburn haired girl looked up at her.

"Are we done yet?" she asked huskily. 

This caused Abby to laugh, feeling high on the coke she stand up and walked over to the girl again.

"Not even close, my dear, not even close. But you did well, it is time for your reward." She untied her and Ellie fell towards her as her legs would not carry her anymore, resting her whole body on Abbys tonned chest. The strong woman lifted her up effortlessly.  
"But first lets get you cleaned up a bit, little street rat. You reek and I won't put my mouth all over you like this."

When Ellie woke up she could see, that it was already getting dark outside the curtains. How long have I been here? She looked around the room. She didn't remember much, but the amount of syrings, empty plastic bags and liqour bottles told her enough. She was at Abbys, again. How much deeper could she still sink, she thought.

As she got up she felt sore and quickly also really nauseauos. She ran to the bathroom and emptied her stomach into the sink. Ugh. She looked up at herself in the mirror.   
"Fucking hell."  
Ellie bareley recognised herself. Blue and purple bruises coverd her body. There were scratches and bite marks all over her. And a long wound on her forehead right above her right temple reaching beneath her hairline. Did Abby done this to her? Sure she was violent and never reluctant, but this? This was not her style.   
She touched the gash and flinched. A laceration..where the hell did she got this from?   
Ellie tried to concentrate and a few images from last night came back to her. Abby tying her up to that stupid pole. Abby doing a line of coke on her belly while choking her. Abby putting out her cigarette on the skin right above her naval. Abby preparing the needle for her, rewarding her for taking that absurdly big strap on.   
The last image caused her to choke and throw up again. She had to sit down, as more and more of her encounter with the blond was revealed in her mind.

She remembred how she litterly begged Abby to stop and do something else, anything else instead as the whole thing became to familiar to David. She remembred crying. She remembred dashing around in panic, biting and clawing and punching, until Abby finally stopped. 

Breath, she told herself as panic was overwhelming her again. Breath. It was Abby not David. It was Abby, just Abby taking what she thought was only fair for giving you all the drugs you needed. You came to her willingly, knowing it would hurt. It was not like with David, there was still a kind of consens. David is dead, he can't hurt you anymore. He is dead, dead, dead. Just breath.

Slowly, Ellie calmed down a bit, pushing her aching body up and look to herself again in the mirror. She still did not knew where this huge thing on her head came from but does it even matter? One more scar to count. 

Abby was still out cold. Resting face down on the couch, one arm down, a half empty bottel of vodka still in her hands. Ellie did her best not to wake her. A high Abby was dangerous but a hungover Abby was...yeah better avoid waking her up.   
As she gatherd her cloths and got dressed, she searched for her back pack and her guitar. Both were nowehere to be found. What the hell, she'd never leave her guitar or her backpack behind, never losing her only belongings in the world somewhere, no matter how high she was. She'd have to hit her head really hard to forget about them.

It hit her like a truck. Right. She got infact hit by a car and indeed hit her head really hard. She touched the gash on her forhead again, remembring. The girl. Dina. She must have found them. Or maybe she just left them there on the road. Hoping for the last Ellie went for the door to leave, but turning around again to grab the plastic bag with Abbys now half empty drug stock.   
She would surely been pissed, waking up not having anything to help with her headache, but Ellie thought she really earned them last night.   
With a final glance at the blonde she closed the door, swearing this would be the last time for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you find mistakes or got something to tell me to improve, don't be shy. I appreciate every help. Stay safe everyone!


	4. 4

Dina flicked through the pages again, horrified. At first she didn't want to read the journal at all. She wouldn't want to have some stranger read her diary either. But the curiosity got the better of her.  
It took her two days to get over her reservations. 

When she got home with Jesse that faithful evening, she didn't even let him walk over her doorestep, saying she needed time to get over realizing what an heartless unempathic asshole he was. He looked absolutly miserable when she shut the door infront of him. But she did not care a bit, thinking he deserved it. Her mind wanderd back to that girl.  
She was beyound shocked at what happend. Hitting the girl, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere, feeling the relief rush her body, as she opend her eyes at her. Those green eyes, dulled from the moments of uncounsciousness, looking at her like she was an angel. She smiled, Dina remembered, she smiled and she said finally, as if she wanted it.  
Maybe that girl was trying to comited suicide but got scared at the end. She remembered how the girl yelled at her, that she did not need her help, before getting up and running away. That she was a junky. Maybe she was to high to even register in how much pain she was and was now laying somewhere in the streets, suffering from the aftermath.

Dina shook her head. It was time for wine now. She opend the bottel, picking one of the glases from the shelf and poured herself a decent amount of the rich ruby liquid.  
As she drank, she eyed the two things that had stayed on the streets after the accident. 

First there was the guitar. The neck was detached, only beeing held by a few strings. Second was the gray run down backpack.

She got up from her stool, opened it and took out what was inside. In her head she could hear Jesse urging her to just let it go or at least be carefull. Fuck Jesse she thought.

She observed its contents. Ther was a green checkerd flannel, which was surprisingly soft given its used and dirty look, a half empty water bottel, a lighter, a package with four cigarettes left, some bandaids, a pocket knife, a pair of thick fingerless gloves, how cliché and a beaten up journal.

To think that this could be all of ones belonings took Dina of guard. Not even ten percent of her belongings would fit in this backpack.  
She was used to see homeless people, but never really paying attention, never really thinking what it was like to have nothing at all.

She shook her head again. Maybe the girl wasn't even homeless, maybe she had a small apartment somewhere or someone who took care of her. Afterall she didn't knew anything about her. Maybe she was a rich kid partying all day. Who knew? But still Dina slightly doubted that. 

She took that journal up again, looking at its pitch black cover. She was sure she would find some answers in there. But no. No matter how tempting it was to reveal some of that girls mysteries. She had no right to. She had no right to take her things in the first place, at all. But still....Dina huffed in frustration, emptying her glass and putting the journal back onto the table.

She dreamed of the girl that night. She was sure of that, but as she woke up she couldn't remember any details except the strumming of guitar strings and the word 'finally' falling of that girls lips. How strange she thought.

This day, at work her mind wanderd back to the girl again and again. It was surley normal after running someone over with your car right? Anyone not thinking about the victim of an car accident that you caused might as well be a serial killer, or Jesse.  
Her boyfriend tried to talk to her the whole day, calling her and leaving her messages. But she wouln't have any of this now. She was still fuming. Sometimes he was just so cold hearted.  
Like when Dina was angry about something that was not in her power to change, but that really matterd to her, the burning rainforest or dolphins suffocating from plastic bottels, or children starving in the streets. Jesse would just shrug to all of these matters and said it can't be helped.  
He was not a bad guy at all, he was genuinely caring about her, calm and easy to talk to. But this, 'as long as its not me' behavior ratteld her. Especially wittnessing it first hand, that he would not even bother to call help, for a girl, that she personally run over with her car, drug addict or not.  
No Jesse could fuck off for a few days.

When she got home that evening she sat infront of the journal again. Staring at it and debating with herself wether she sould read it or not. She didn't. But when she woke up the next day, the ringing of guitar strings and that now familliar voice in her head, she did not waste another second and read through it from the first page to the last.

It was incredibly alarming, what this girl, which Dina now assumed that must be around her age, went through. This girl, Ellie, also a thing she was certain now, has wittnesed enough shit for a lifetime. She has been to hell and back and doing so much incredebly fucked up things, while she herself was living a normal live, graduating high school, starting her first real job, paying rent for her own apartment and going on vacations. 

_I guess it finaly happend. I became invisible. I've been on my spot the whole day playing and not once a single person stopped. Not one even dared to look at me for more than a disguested glance. Sometimes I wish they would care enough too at least pretend that I am a living breathing human being and not just some trashed fucked up junky rat. Do people even realize how lucky they are? Do they think about it, when they see me? And if they are what are they feeling? Are they happy or do they think, at least she does not have to worry about her husband cheating on her with his secratery, or at least she does not have to worry about her parents in law vistiting or about paying taxes. I bet they're at least not thinking oh look at her, I bet she misses sleeping on a real bed. Ugh, my back hurts... ___

____

Because of how the journal was written, she could not be sure of everything. Ther were small written fragments where the girl just wrote down her thoughts, other would more be writtten like a diary entry or a letter. There were a few drawings, jokes and poetry and also maybe songs? It was like a puzzel for Dina and if she could put each piece in the right place she would not look at a picture but a life. And what a life that has been. 

____

There were a few names that reapeared in her entrys. The first being Joel, she did not fully understand the relation between those two, but she thought that he must be something like a father for Ellie. Than there was a girl namend Riley. She was dead, of that was Dina certain, she died in a fire. And truth or not Ellie blamed herself for it. There was Cat, a girlfriend she has been living with in San Francisco, who was now in Jail. Again Ellie took the blame on her. Sam and Henry, who also where dead, one dying becaus of an overdose the second killing himself after that. Unnecessary to say that Ellie blamed herself. There was Abby, a kind of dealer that lived here in Seattle. She was still alive.

____

Then there was David. He was dead, but Ellie did not blamed herself. She killed him willingly. And she did not regret.

____

_Sometimes the whole moment flashes infront of me. Right before the needle will sink in I can see his face again. And I'm lying again in this cell and he is above me. He is holding my knive against my throat, my mothers knive.. And I can feel his breath on my face again. I can smell him, feeling his big hand holding my wrist in place. "Hold still little rabbit, I won't hurt you, I will be your special friend." I can feel his weight shifting on me as he put the knife away, too far away. I can feel him pulling down my pants, I can feel him getting hard and I can fucking feel him pushing inside me again. I can even taste my own tears mixed with his disgusting mouth again. I can feel him moving and hear him grunting again. And when he is done I can feel his seed dripping out of me and his body falling exhausted on mine. "You did good little rabbit, sooo good." And then the needle will pierce my vein and the drug will flood my body and I can only feel the knive in my hand, stabbing him over and over and over again and his face disappering more and more, transforming itself into a bloody mush. Until he is gone and I'm free. ___

______ _ _

This was one of the worst entrys in Ellies journal for Dina, she remebred crying after reading it for the first time. She did not know at which age this thing happend to Ellie but she must have been young.  
This journal, except for the flashbacks of Ellies troubled past, had mostly entrys dating back thirteen month. The first entry in this Journal stated that she had to get out of San Francisco, becaus she heard the police were looking for her. The girl had travelled up the coast until, ten month ago, she arrived in Seattle. 

______ _ _

_I'm sorry Cat, but I just had to disappear. I jumped on a train, don't know where I'm going but I had to get the fuck out of San Francisco. I will miss this place. And I will miss staying with you, Cat. Josh tolde me that the police rushed inside your home, took you with them and is now probably looking for me. Fuck this, why can't good things just last for once. I know it's my fault, for beeing so reckless. You were always so careful about things. They would have never found out, if it wasn't for me. Stupid, stupid Ellie. I'm just worthless. ___

____

______ _ _

____

Ellie has been living litterly everywhere in town, but she often mentioned a park in her late entrys and how safe her place was for the night, but never going into much detail.  
That circled her down to maybe just fifty possible locations.  
Yes, after Dina read the Journal over and over again, she had set her mind on helping that girl. Everyone deserved a friendly hand from time to time and Ellie would most definitely deserv at least a hunderd. Dina just could not not try to help this girl after what she read. And she had questions, oh so many questions. She was intrigued beyound everything about this girl. The way she wrote and drawed, the way she thought about certain things. She was just special.  
After all, she at least had to give her back her things right? And of course apologize properly for running her over with her car.  
No it was set in stone, Dina would find her.

____

______ _ _

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lock down days are writing days. stay healthy everybody and have a good one!


	5. 5

Ellie leaned against her now favorite tree in the park, eyes closed, smoking a spliff, feeling sunrays on her skin, she just let her mind wander.  
The last five days had been quite good for her. It stoped raining and the sun had enough power to warm her up through the day. She also had enough drugs to get her through the days without the slightest signs of withdrawal. She sold the coke, the speed and a few ot the pills she did not know, leaving her with a few packs of heroin, a half full bottel codein, a few pain killers, about one ounce of weed and a decent amount of money. 

Yeah, live has been definitely the been endurable the past days. Even the wound on her head started to heal up a bit. Ellie often tried to think about the accident, but she coudn't remembre much detail. What she clearly remembered though was a girl. Dina. Olive skin, dark hair, brown eyes. There was something about those eyes. They were so full of warmth, that Ellie, just thinking about them, felt slightly warmer too. She had tried to draw thoses eyes on every srcap paper she could find. 

She missed her journal. Right now, she even had the money too just buy a new one. But she still recoverd from recent events. Looking like death itself, after the encounter with Abby and a car, Ellie didn't want to raise to much attention. A bruised an beat up holess girl walking into a bookstore, was a dead certain way to raise attention. It sounded like a joke in her head. A fucking bookstore. Hey have you heard the one about the homless junky walking into a bookstore. Haha exactly. So, Ellie decided to hide out in the park for a bit.

She missed her back pack too. Due to loosing it, she had to hide and store her stuff somewhere else. So she looked for a good spot in her park, right behind a big tree and dug a hole with her bare hands. She felt like a pirate hiding a treasure on a lonely island. If she still had her journal she'd draw a map for sure, she thought, giggling at this.  
Right now everything was okay, she was high, her stomach was full and the weather good. This would be the perfect day to earn some money on the streets with her guitar. Surely many people were out on the streets and sunshine always helped brighten the mood and getting people generous.

She really, really missed her guitar. It was a gift from Joel and it had stayed with her for five, no six years.  
Strumming over the steel strings aways helped her to calm. But she could definitely not afford a new guitar. This was a huge problem, because it was the only way she knew on the streets to get money without coming in touch with the law and the cops. Sure some shop keeper or people did not like her to play on the streets and would threaten to call the police, but if she just packed her things and moved, nobody cared long enough. Shoplifting, pick pocketting or prostitution on the other hand would get her in serious trouble sooner or later. She often pictured herself ending up in a tiny cell for the rest of her life and everytime panic swelled in her.

Ellie was not ready for this, would never be. Beeing trapped was on of her biggest fears. She would rather die than beeing sentenced for what she did to that motherfucker David. She sighed an took another draw of the joint.  
She'd come up with an idea to earn money pretty soon sure. 

The feeling of warmth on her face disapeared as a shadow fell apon her. Ellie opend her eyes.

"Hey..." It was that girl. Dina. She was standing infront of her, head tilted to the side, hands at her hips staring down at her with visable intrest and a determind look on her face. Ellie was confused, why was this girl here, talking to her, staring at her. There was silence for a few seconds.  
Until Ellie said, "Hey....it's you."

"Yep, it's me. I'm Dina by the way, mind if I sit? "

But she did not waited for a response and sat on the grass infront of her legs crossed. She stole the Joint from a baffeld Ellie and took a huge draw, coughing and passing it back to the auburn haired girl. Ellie was speechless. The nerv of this girl, this beautiful stranger just took her off guard.

"Huh, this shit is strong." She said coughing again. 

"What are you doing here Dina?"

"I came to apologize to you properly for nearly killing you, Ellie." 

"How do you know my name."

"And I came to give this back to you." She reached behind her and gave Ellie the now clean and stiched backpack. Ellie took it back opening it an took looked inside. Her flannel had been cleaned, her water bottel refilled, there was also a pack of cookies , a sandwich and some apples inside. But Ellies eyes wandered to her journal...of course.

"You read my journal." It wasn't a question.

"Yes this is how I found you. You mentioned a park quit often. I just had to search every park in Seattle for the last three days and here I am now." Anger flashed through Ellie, anger and panic.

"You had no right to do so."

"I know, I'm sorry."

Silence fell upon them again. Dina sighed.

"I want to help you Ellie."

"I dont't need your help."

"Yeah you said so before, but I think you're wrong. Ellie there is no shame at needing a little help from time to time. I know what you have been through, I know what you're suffering from, please Ellie let me help you." 

"You know nothing about me. You can't help me and I don't need you to either. Unless you can magically turn back time you'd better leave now."

Dina just looked at Ellie for a moment, sadness in her eyes. Maybe she was right, maybe she couldn't help her and after all it was none of her buissines anyway. But still the girl infront of her, her lanky frame way too skinny, her hollow pale freckeld face, those dark shadows under her piercing green eyes, intruigued her. She was a girl of contradictions. Haggard but somehow strong, forgotten but still surving, broken but beautiful nonetheless.  
She couldn't quite grasp what it was, but for Dina it was impossible to just give up on her.

"Fine." she said putting her arms up in fake defeat but not moving an inch away from the girl. "Have it your way, I got time. And I understand that you might have some trust issues with people after all so maybe we should get to know each other better and after awhile..."

"Stop!" Ellie cut her of and stand up to make a point. "Stop this fucking bullshit right now. I'm nobodys charity project and I don't know what's the matter with you but. I. Do. Not. Want. Your. Fucking. Help."

Hurt and sadness flickered through Dinas eyes at these harsh words and Ellie felt guilty but the anger predominated. What was this girl even thinking? She had no right to mingle in her fucked up life. And even if, what was she about to do. Give her money and tell her that she shouldn't spend it on drugs? Ellie considered herself a lost case, a ship that was bound to sink sooner or later. There was no hope for her and this girl would not change that. At least Ellie was sure of this. Dina on the otherhand seemed determinded.

"No you stop."

She stood up slowly. They were face to face now, only a few stepps away, just looking each other in the eyes. The longer Ellie kept looking into these brown orbs the more of her anger vanished and the more confused she got. Her heart began pumping and it felt as if these eyes shot daggers right through it. So she broke the contact first and looked down, face reddening.

"You are a liar Ellie." Dina said, voice firm and still looking at the girl."I think you keep telling yourself that you don't need help to protect yourself, but you're wrong. You push people away so you can't get hurt, but I think you're lying to yourself, if you say you don't need help. And guess what, you just do not only need help but you deserv help. You deserv better than this, Ellie."  
Slowly she put a hand on the taller girls shoulder, wondering if the girl would allow her to touch her and let it rest there for a moment as she didn't move away. Ellie was still not looking at her, face down, and fists clenched. They stood in silince for a while and Dina wondered if she might crossed a line just now. She sighed, taking back her hand and gave the taller girl some space.

"Okay, Ellie, I'm sorry, I was too eager there is no need to rush things and I don't want to push you too much, but I still have to make it up to you for running you over. So, will you come with me? It won't take long I promise."

It took another couple of seconds before Ellie raised her head again eyed Dina for a moment an nodded. Dina flashd her her widest smile in order to bring back some sort of lightness.

"Great. Come this way." she took her hand and led her through the park. It didn't took them long to arrive at the parking lot, where Dinas old green Volkswagen was parked. 

"You remembre her? Thats Lucy, my only true love. You did quite the numbre to her, that day but I'm still glad its this way around and you're not seriously hurt." She pointed at the hood were a few scratches indicated the fateful accident.

"You named your car and you call 'her' Lucy...somehow that makes perfect sense."

"Thank you, I take that as a compliment. You have to close your eyes now. Otherwise you ruin the surprise."

"You will not run me over again to finish what you started, will you?"

"Haha, funny, now come on, close your eyes it'll be worth it."

After awhile Ellie did as she was told and put her hands over her eyes. "Happy now?"

"Yes, very much, keep them close." 

Ellie heard the trunk opening and closing again. She was nervous, this girl, Dina, she just had a way of confusing Ellie to the bone. The little speeche she gave her earlier, it startled something in her.

"You can open your eyes now."

Infront of her was this beautiful stranger, smiling a bright warm smile, in her hands a brand new, shiny black steelstring western guitar.


	6. 6

Ellie didn't knew how to use words anymore. Not that she expected anything, when she followed this strange girl here, but she clearly did not expected this. Dina kept smiling at her. This warm bright smilie, which felt like sunlight on Ellies face.  
Dina stepped closer to Ellie handing her her new guitar.

"Look, I know its not quite the same, but your old one was ruined beyound repair. Believe me I tried, but the man at the store said this one would almost feel the same, whatever that means."  
Ellie still didn't knew what to say. She held the guitar infront of her like something forign or entierly knew to her.

"Ellie? Whats the matter? You don't like it?"

"No no. Its not that, its great, just, I don't know." Ellies fingers were lightly pulling at the strings. She still felt her heart and mind race every time she dared to look into the smaller girls eyes. What were those strange feelings?

"Hmm why don't you just try it out? Play a song for me?" 

Ellie shot her a small glance. Why not, what do I have to loose?

"Okay, sit down." She said as she sat down herself and got comfortable with that new guitar. She tested out every string. It was tuend well. She took a shaky breath and began strumming. At first she didn't know what to play for Dina but after playing a bit, a melody just came along.

_I get up in the evening  
And I ain't got nothing to say  
I come home in the morning  
I go to bed feeling the same way  
I ain't nothing but tired  
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself  
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help_

_You can't start a fire  
You can't start a fire without a spark  
This gun's for hire  
Even if we're just dancing in the dark _

_Messages keep getting clearer  
Radio's on and I'm moving 'round my place  
I check my look in the mirror  
Wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face  
Man I ain't getting nowhere  
I'm just living in a dump like this  
There's something happening somewhere  
Baby I just know there is _

_Can't start a fire  
You can't start a fire without a spark  
This gun's for hire  
Even if we're just dancing in the dark ___

__When she finished the last chord she did not dared to look up again to meet the smaller girls eyes. Her breath was shaky after singing. Why am I so nervous?  
After awhile Ellie lifted her head and Dina looked at her, big eyes, warm smile._ _

__"This was amazing Ellie, you have such a beautiful voice."_ _

__"Uhm, thank you."_ _

__"Ellie I know you don't belive me yet, but I really want to help you to get on your feet again. I think you're special and I...I care about you."_ _

__Dina put a hand on her arm giving it a light squeze. And with this small guesture it hit Ellie just like Dinas car hit her. It was trouble, the worst kind of trouble. This feeling she couldn't quite grasp. It was hope. Someone cared for her. Someone, Dina, really saw her._ _

__In her mind all the faces of the people she had lost flashed before her. All the people, wich cared about her and wich she, Ellie, let down one way or another. Oh no, not again. I will not let this happen again._ _

__Ellie got up in a rush took a step away, then another. She looked down at her shoes as she felt a familiar sting in her eyes._ _

__Dina also got up in a hurry. "Hey, Ellie? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry I didn't meant to. I just thought since you earn your money this way it wouldn't bother you and...hey Ellie, what's wrong.. look at me." She said stretching out a hand._ _

__But Ellie flinched away this time, never lifting her head. She felt tears wetting her cheeks. Stupid fucking emotions. She really needed a fix now._ _

__"I, I can't accept this, all of this, I'm sorry but I really gotta go. " she stumbled and turned away running back into the park, leaving her new guitar and a baffeld Dina behind._ _

__Dina just watched her disapear into the bushes. Was this how every meeting of them would end? Was Ellie crying? Dina huffed in frustration and opend her car, stored the instrument back in the trunk and sat behind the wheel. Things clearly could have gone better, she thought as she started the engin. But she would not give up so easly._ _

__

___The next day Dina walked through the park again looking for the girl. She did not found her nor were there any signs of a makeshift home anywhere. She searched a bit more, wandering through the nearer surroundings, passing a few cafes, shops and a subway station._  
This was no use, the girl could be literally everywhere.  
So she tried again the following day and the day after that. Nothing. Dina really began to worry about her. She even asked around if someone had seen her, still nothing. What have I done or said that scared her so much? 

__Her phone rang. Jesse. Dina was still slightly pissed and everytime the matter Ellie came up he would be all " D, this is really none of your buissnes" and she would be all " just fuck of Jesse". Why couldn't he be a little more emphatic. It rang a few more times until it stopped and bussed again after a second. She glanced at the message without opening it. Her breath stucked as she read the three words._ _

__Jesse: I found her._ _

__"Jesse!"_ _

__"Hello to you too D. Nice to know that you did not lost your phone." he said with an annoyed tone."_ _

__"Cut the bullshit Jesse. You found her? How? Where are you? Is she alright?"_ _

__"Yeah...well I guess you could say that. You better come and look at her yourself, maybe this will make up your mind. I send you the adress." With this he hung up._ _

__

__Dina pulled in on the parking lot of a fast food resturant, located in on of the not so nice parts of the town. She spoted Jesse immidiatly. He was leaning against his truck, arms crossed and looking not happy. He was alone, no sign of the missing girl she was looking for._ _

__She walked to him in a hurry._ _

__"Where is she?" her voice was higher than usual full of worry and adrenalin._ _

__"Yeah, good to see you to babe. She is over there, but wait a sec okay. I don't want you to get a heart attack." He grapped her arm to stop her from storming of right away. "Look I know this is somehow important to you. And even if I don't understand why, I know you've set your stubborn mind on this. But I think it is really not in your power to help her. I don't want you to get hurt over this, Dina. I know you want to be a good person and all but... this might be to much to handle"_ _

__"Jesse what are you talking about? Is she hurt?" Dinas worry grew to full on panic. For the last three days she was looking for the girl and couldn't stop thinking about all the what ifs. And now her usually not interessted boyfriend said something so vague and alarming._ _

__He huffed in frustration. "No, well... yes but not in the classic meaning. I guess she is actually pretty good right now, for her standarts at least. "_ _

__"What...? Fuck Jesse just show me where she is already."_ _

__He looked at her pleading, but than just nod and walked towards the backside of the restaurant. Jesse didn't even need to show her. She saw her immideatly. In a pile of cardboard boxes, between fast food trash and an alarming amount of syrings layed a girl. auburn red hair, skinny and dirty, eyes closed._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a cliffhanger. But I'm actually pretty far ahead with this story, so I might hold up the 2 chapter a day pace till the end. Lets hope for the best. Thanks for reading so far. have a nice day and stay safe folks!


	7. 7

"Oh my god, Ellie." Dina rushed to her and kneeld down beside her. She took her head in her hands moving it to face her. Ellies eyleids flutterd at the contact, her eyeballs were rolled back in her head. Dina fumbled to finde her pulse, It was there, weak but steady. She was alive at least. Relief flashed through her.

"Oh Ellie, what have you done." There was a needle still inside of her left arm. Dina pulled it out carefuly and threw it away. Blood swept out of the tiny hole and the more she looked the more holes or remainings of it Dina found. She swallowed hard.

Fuck fuck fuck. Jesse is right, she thought. This is to much. I don't know what to do.

She felt the tears swell in her eyes. Helpless and unable to do anything helpfull she pulled the girl in her lap and began to stroke her cheek mindlessly. The aubaurn haired girl stirred in her arms and slowly opened her eyes a bit.

"R-Riley?" Ellies voice was husky and weak. She looked up to her, but not quite focusing. Her pupils were so small almost invisible, leaving only the forest green of her eyes.

"Ellie! Ellie, its me Dina! Its me!"

"I'm so s-sorry." the girl closed her eyes again and driftetd back to unconciousness.

"No Ellie, stay awake." Dina rattled her, even slapped her, but the girl was out cold. She searched for her pulse again. It was still there. Thank god, she thought and let out the breath she's been holding. She turned to face Jesse now, who stayed stiff, hands burried in his pockets. To her surprise, there was worry written all over his face.

"What do you want to do with her now? I can go inside and call for an ambulance."

That would be the right thing to do wouldn't it. Just call the police, call an ambulance, let them take the girl with them, take away her responsibility and help her. But she remembred the first encounter with the girl. How urgent she was to keep all authorities away. After Dina read through her journal she understood, that Ellie must be a runaway that was hiding from the police. But it was ridiculous. No one would arrest a rape victim for selfdefense. Dina was pretty sure of this, but looking at Ellie, she made a decision.

"No we can't do that. Help me to get her into the car."

"What?! Why not? Dina stop for a minute and think about it. We take this girl to your apartment fine and what do you want to do then? Get her home, nurse her and hope she don't die on us?"

"Excatlly." Her voice was firm, not leaving space for a discussion.

"But..D..."

"Please Jesse I'll explain it to you in the car, but lets get her out of this dump first."

He looked at her a few seconds not sure if she lost her mind or not, but then he nod and helped her to drag the unconciousness girl away.

Dina sat in the back of Jesses truck, stroking over Ellies hair, who lay in her lap fast asleep. She checked her pulse and breathing every now and then and was relieved as they both seemed to get better.  
Dina just told Jesse more or less everything she knew about this girl and tried to explain to him, why she just had to help her. Silence filled the car since then and for the rest of the ride the only thing been heard was Jesses fingers mindlessly tapping the stearing wheel.

It was strange for Jesse to be so silent. He was a smart boy who usally had something to say to literally everything. 

When they arrived, Jesse got out of the car wordlessly. He helped Dina to get the girl out of the back seat and carried her bridal style up to her apartment. Due to being still out cold and highly underwheight, it was an easy task for the tall, well build boy.

Dina opend the door and made room on the couch for Ellie.

"You can put her down over here." Dina said pointing at the couch and went to the bedroom to get some blankets. Jesse just nod and did as he was told. The girl looked smaller, laying on the couch under a thick layer of blankets. Her face was pale, but she had a somehow peacefull expression on it.  
Dina sat beside her, a wet cloth in her hand and started to gently clean her face. She almost didn't noticed, when Jesse, still silent, went for the door to leave.

"You're going?"

"Yes." A simple short answere, but his voice was strange, somehow heavy.

"Why? Whats wrong?"

"Dina....I think. I think we should break up."

"What?!" Dina was at her feet the moment his words were out.

"D, I think this, her. Its to much for me okay. I can't change your mind I know, but do not expect me to stay and watch you getting hurt." His voice was firm but his eyes were sad. He watched her for a moment taking in his words, then he looked down.

"And you think this, you leaving, is not getting me hurt?" 

"No I know but... still. It doesen't have to be forever, though. Think about it for a bit. Think about what I have said and if things go sideways...or if they don't I'll be there. I promise. I still care about you, about us, but, right now I can't do this." 

Dina was in shock. It was as if the solid ground she stands on just disappeared. She knew Jesse since she could walk, maybe even before. They grew up in the same street. They played with each other, buld sandcastels and mud cakes, learned how to ride a bicycle together, invited each the to their birthday partys, had movie nights and sleep overs. She had drank her first beer with him and shared the first kiss with him. They have been to the same kindergarden, elementry school, middle school and high school. They have dated since high school for fucks sake. They have always been toghether. Jesse had been a constant in her whole live. Calm, relieable, easy and comforting. And this, all this just gone. She wanted to scream at him for throwing it all away. She wanted to beg him to stay. But she didn't do any of this.

"So this is it now? You're just leaving?"

"Yes, this is it." She had never see this much sadness in his eyes. He opened the door but turned around one last time. "Write me when she wakes up. Or when you need a lift to your car, or what ever..."

And with this last words he closed the door behinde him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone said the same thing, Jesse said to Dina, to me once. lol. helped a bit but was a lie though.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, thanks so much for reading and all the nice comments. It's really good to hear that you like the story so far. The next chapter will be a bit lighter so we all can relax a bit. I hope you stay tuened. As always take care, drink enough water and have a good weekend

Ellie didn't moved for another eight hours. That gave Dina enough time to think about what to do next. It was still early evening and the first thing she did was calling in sick at work. After that, she decided to strip Ellie out of her dirty clothes, tend every wound that needed it and get her as clean as possible with a wet cloth, sope and warm water. It was the first time she could really observe all of the taller girl. She was thin, thinner even as Dina excpected. Her bones stuck out on her hips and shoulders as if they were about to tear the skin apart. She could count every single rib. Her skin was so pale, that she could easily make out all of her veins and and the many scars above them. She gulped every time the wet cloth moved over a cut, a bruise or a stitch. 

She is so weak, what if she won't wake up? The dark haired girl shoved this thought as far away as she could. Ellie would get better, she just had to. But what would happen then?  
'Think about it for a bit. Think about what I have said' She heard Jesse inside of her head.  
Honestly she didn't know what to think since she first met Ellie. Everytime she thought about her, the rational part of her brain just vanished, leaving her mind on autopilot. Maybe this is what happens to you when you almost kill a person. You go crazy. You run over a girl, who comes out to be a homless drug addict and rans away as soon as you mention the police. Next step? Go, spent your days looking through every fucking park in town and gift her a 400 dollar guitar. You find her, but she runs away again, making it very clear that she does not want your help. Sure, go one full stalker mode and drag her half dead body into your home as soon as you find her. 

I really have lost my mind have I? This is why Jesse left. Dina felt her eyes sting at this. Thinking about Jesse was also too painfull right now and she had other things to do.

On her right arm, from wrist to elbow, Ellie had a tattoo, picturing a fern and a moth.  
Underneathe this quite beautiful picture, was a huge burn scar. Dina let her fingers lightly wandere above the uneven skin, wondering how the girl got this.  
Another thing she noticed was a dogtag necklaces. The name on the tag was not Ellie but Riley Abel. Dina remembered Ellie mistaking her for Riley the last time she was awake and she remembered a certain journal entry mentioning the girl.

_I've dreamt of this damn fire again. Riley I am so sorry. I should have never draged her into that house, should have never let her run away, should have never been so damn careless, should have never kissed her. I miss her so much. The fire is still burning inside of me everytime I think about her. I still carry your tag around my neck and it burns my skin. It should have been me dying in that stupid fire. ___

__She wondered if she ever got Ellie to talk about what really happend with that girl. She wondered if she will get her to talk at all. But Dina had more urgent things to think about right now, like what she would do when the girl finally woke up. Would she freak out? Would she let her help her? And how on earth could Dina even help her out of her misery?  
She looked at Ellie, all naked only covered by a blanket, utterly vulnerable. She would find a way, she had to find a way._ _

__She found a compfy pair of sweatpants, clean underwear and a soft blue shirt in her closet for the girl, still fast asleep. Even beeing slightly taller than herself, it all fited Ellie well. Now that the girl was clean, nursed, dressed and calm, she decided to let her rest as long as she would need to wake up._ _

__Dina surely needed some rest herself, after todays events, but was not willing to come down and think about her own problems. Instead she poured herself a glass of wine sat on a chair next to the couch and pulled out her phone. She closed all social media. It was time to do some research._ _

__After the fourth glass of wine and dozen articles about homeless assistance, drug addiction, and rehabilitation programs, she drifted of in an uneasy slumber._ _

__Dina awoke with a startle, as she heard something moving beside her. It took her awhile to remembere the situation she was in. The noice, which woke her up was Ellie, kicking and tossing around on the couch, tangeld in her blanket. Dina rushed to her. The girl was still asleep, but seemed to be plagued by some nightmare. She moaned and whined, a frown and uneasy expression on her face._ _

__Dina didn't really knew what she should do, should she try to wake her up or would it startle the girl even more to awake in an unknown apartment. She acted out of intuition, placed a hand on her arm and the other on her cheek, stroking her lightly and mumbling calming words at her. It worked surprisingly fast. Ellie stopped tossing and the girls expression eased with every stroke of Dinas warm hand.  
As Ellie was calm again, Dinas exhaustion kicked in. She looked at her phone and sighed, she barely had slept for an hour. Next door, a really comfy bed waited for her, but she would feel bad if she left Ellie alone. What if she had another nightmare? What if something happens to her? What if she wakes up and just disapears? So she just climbed on the couch behind Ellie, wrapped an arm around her waist, covered them both with the blanket and snuggeld close. Beeing way too to exhausted and sleepy to think about what she had just done, she drifted of and back to sleep. _ _

__When Ellie awoke, she noticed three things before she even opend her eyes. First, it smelled clean and nice around her. Second, she was laying on something way more comfortable than usual. Third, there was a warm body pressed tight against her back and an arm resting loose around her waist.  
I'm still asleep, this must be a dream, Ellie concluded, or I got myself finally killed, or both. Opening her eyes, she realized it was no dream neither death. Warm, bright light floded the room, which was completly unknown to her. The light hurt her eyes for a moment. She was inside a small livingroom , she guessed. A table infront of her, a small TV standing on a shelf full of books, photos and pictures were hanging all over the walls. There were plants and a few random things gatherd all around in this room. It looked like a home and Ellie was laying there on a comfy couch an unknown person cuddled up behinde her. How? Maybe this is a dream after all, she thought as the warm feeling of securness and belonging spread through her body. _ _

__Ellie didn't dare to move, wanting to safe this warm expierience a bit longer befor this all turned down too the shit show, her whole life was._ _

__Sadly the body behind her began to stir awake to soon. Time to wake up and face what ever I have gotten myself into now._ _

__She moved to sat up, turned around and looked right into warm, big brown eyes staring back at her._ _


	9. 9

Dina looked at Ellie and Ellie looked back at her. Neither of them said a word. It even took Dina several moments to blush, as she realized, she had spent the night on the couch cuddled up against this stranger. Against Ellie. Something inside of her brain clicked. Ellie, Ellie was awake and well!  
She got up in a rush an hugged the girl.

"Ellie, thank god I was so worried. How are you? Do you feel alright? Do you need anything?" She sat back and observed the girl carefully.

"I guess... Where am I?" Ellie looked around the place with more thorough. It was quite comfy for real, somehow it mirrored Dinas warmth.

"You're at my place."

"How did I got here?"

"Jesse and I, we brought you here after we found you." Dina looked down getting silent.

"Found me? I don't understand." Ellie looked at her puzzeld. What happend? Slowly things started to get back to her. Ellie flinched. Well, fuck.

"Do you remembere?" 

Ellie just nod and hung her head, her body visiably thightening. Dina reached out to her and put a friendly hand on her arm.

"Ellie relax okay, you're safe here. Just rest a bit, eat a bit maybe. We can talk later, if you want."

But Ellie won't have any of this. This was all wrong. This was what she had tried to avoide the last few day. This whole, Dina caring about her and trying to help her thing, was bound to end up in a total disaster. It was time to end this now and give this girl a proper speech. 

As soon as Ellie looked up and was met with those damn eyes again, she forgot about everything. Like dark magic they made her lose all of her fight, all of her resistance. Could it really be so dangerous to just tag a long, just for one day? Feeling safe and secure and getting lost in the warmth of those eyes for a bit longer.

So she did not gave Dina a piece of her mind and just nodded instead.

"Great." Dina smiled her signature warm smile and got up from the couch. "I will go and make us some breakfast. Do you want coffee or tea?"

"I don't know...just what ever you got is fine, I guess." She scratched the back of her head. When was the last time someone asked her this question. Actually, did someone ever asked her this question befor? 

"Coffee it is." Dina grinned, left the room but came back in right off. "Ellie, just feel at home. Ask if you need anything. You can watch some TV if you want. Or you can take a shower, but I guess your clothes are still not dry yet. Just look through my closet and take what ever you need. Don't be shy."

Ellie looked down at herself, right, she remembered smelling clean. This were not her cloths. Does this mean...

It was Ellies time to blush now. "I just wait here." She stumbled and looked at her feet. What am I doing here, she thought as the smaller girl left.

Dina thought pretty much the same as she entered the kitchen. She need to come up with a plan now. The girl in the other room was probably about to freak out and run away soon again, so she had to keep her calm. Dina just wanted her to get better, but every time tried to help her, tried to earn her trust yet, she scared her of. Dina huffed in frustration. Maybe just coffee first. 

The last days Dina didn't had time for grocery shopping, spending them either at work, asleep, or looking for the girl, who sat on her couch right now. So her fridge did not gave her much of an oppertunity on what to cook for Ellie and herself. Eggs and toast were still better then nothing. Dina had the feeling it must have been awhile ago since the auburn hair had a proper meal. She would definitly change this later. 

When Dina reenterd the livingroom, balancing a tray with two coffee mugs a few slices toast and scrambled eggs on it, Ellie still sat on the couch, looking down. Infact she hasn't moved a bit. She placed the tray on the small table and moved to kneel infront ot the other girl.

"Ellie try to relax, okay? Nothing will happen to you. You're safe here." She sat beside her on the couch, taking a sip of one of the mugs. 

"Eat up, you must be starving." 

It was true. Even, beeing used to go long times with out food, Ellie constantly felt the pain that comes along with the hunger. Except of course, when she was high. Getting high on the other hand caused her to stop eating. It felt somehow wrong in her mouth. All food had long lost all flavor to her. She only ate when the pain was getting unbearable and she was about to starve. It was a common side effect of addiction to lose all interest in food, so she went for the coffee instead. Tasting the bitter liquid caused her to grimace and she put the coffee back down, shaking her head. Dina laughed at this.

"Seems like you don't like it. You want some more sugar?"

"Do you think it will help?"

"Don't tell me you never had coffee befor." Dina said in shock.

"I don't know, I don't remember. Maybe as a kid." 

"Here try it this way." Dina took her mug and added two spoons of sugar and milk.

Ellie tried again. It was way better than befor but still somehow disgusting. Dina must have been noticing it.

"Well you can still get a tea or water, maybe I even find some juice."

"No, it's fine. Thank you."

"Coffee also tastes way better with eggs and toast, though. You should really eat a bit, El."

El? This was new to her. She shot her a glance but took a slice of toast. Dina seems to be happy with this and they continued their meal in silence. After they ate, Dina took the tray back into the kitchen and Ellie exused herself to the bathroom.

What am I doing here, Ellie thought again as she looked in the mirror. I have to get out of here. She was sure, the longer she stayed the more trouble she was getting herself in, but every time she looked at Dinas face, at her eyes, saw her warm smile, she just felt more drawn to the girl. The power that girl held over her, it was just to much. She splashed water into her face, looking closley into her own face again. What really puzzled her, though, was why Dina did all of this. It was just to strange. No one would made so much effort for a complete stranger. Most definitly not a stranger like her anyway. Why was she careing so much?  
It knocked.

"Ellie? Are you alright in there?"

It cut her out of her thoughts, but she needed answers and she would get them.

"Yeah, comming."

Dina sat on the couch, remote in her hand, as Ellie steped into the room.

"I thought we could just chill a bit, watch a few movies, maybe order a pizza later or something like that. "

"Dina, why are you doing this?" She looked firm at her, determinde to pull herself together and breake what ever spell this girl had over her.

"What do you mean?"

"This! All of this! Like why am I even here? Don't act like this is all normal, cause its not. So why Dina?"

"I already told you that I want to help you, that I want you to get better."

Ellie shook her head. 

"Yeah, you said that. But why? You don't know me, even if you think so, even if you read my journal, you know nothing about me. Know nothing about what I have done to survive. What makes you even think that you could trust me. You know I'm a fucking junky. I got literally nothing to lose. So tell me, what makes you belive I won't just take all your money and disappear for good. Or worse"

This, somehow, seemed to left the normaly so stubborn dark haired girl speechless.  
Because all of those questions were in her head constantly for the past days. She had no answere to them. At least none that made any sense. It just felt right to her.

"I don't know Ellie" Dina said after awhile. "I really don't know, I can't explain this to myself either. It just feels right somehow. You just feel right. "

She looked at the taller girl, trying to put as much honesty into her eyes as she can and make the girl understand how she feels about her. It breaks Ellie. Letting her long build up walls fall like a house of cards. Tears began to swell in her eyes and when Dina stood up to hug her into a thight embrace, she just let it happen. Not fighting back for the first time after what felt like an eternity.

They just stood like this for awhile. None of them saying a word. Holding Ellie as thight as she can, Dina just waited till the other girl calmed down. 

When they finally parted, Ellie rubbed her eyes and looked somehow shy at Dina.  
"So, you said something about a movie?" Ellie smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will never understand people not liking coffee


	10. 10

It all felt so unreal for Ellie. She was sitting one the couch next to Dina, not really cuddling, barely even touching actually. But still she felt so close to the other girl. It was scary and comforting at the same time. She tried not to think of how nervous it makes her, in fact she tried her best to not think at all.

"So what do you want to watch? I have Netflix, Amazon, Disney or You Tube of course, so we can pretty much watch everything. What ever you like."

"I don't really know anything about this stuff. Can we just watch cartoons?"

"Cartoons?" Dina was surprised, she didn't take Ellie for the cartoon type of girl. Then again she didn't thought about what kind of movies the other girl would like at all.

"Yeah, like Savage Starlight, for example?"

"What's this?"

"It's a show I liked to watch as a kid. We only had one TV for all the kids in the orphanage, so I couldn't watch it most of the time. But its okay, we don't have to watch it though, just pick what ever you like."

Is she actually shareing right now? Dina watched her cautiously, interested in whatever else the other girl was willing to tell her from her past now. But Ellie stayed silent, eyes glued to the screen.

"Okay, lets watch Savage Starlight then."

So they watched the whole first season of Savage Starlight. Ellie would randomly explain a few thing to her now an then. It was refreshing to see the girl so at ease almost light hearted. At episode seven, Dina noticed, that the taller girl began to scratch her skin. Dina asked her if everything was alright but Ellie just nod and keept silence. But the scratching only became more and more and she began to sweat. 

After reading through all those articles about drug addiction and withdrawal she recognized the signs of course. Ellies body was demanding its drug. She knew this would be happening sooner or later, but she still did not know what to do about it.

"Ellie?" She paused the episode they were currently watching, turend to face the taller girl and took both of her hands in hers. They were cold as ice and slightly sticky from the sweat.

"Ellie, I know whats happening to you and I think we should talk about your options."

"There are no options." The taller girl stated, avoiding to look at Dina.

The girl looked absolutly misserable. She was shivering and her skin was an angry red from all the scratching.

"Ellie...can I ask you a question about what happend the other day? When I found you at that dumpster, were you trying to... I mean did you wanted to end your life?"

It was a question, that has been on Dinas mind since she first met the girl. She dreaded the answere. Ellie took in a deep breath an prepeared herself to face the dark haired girl. Dina had been nothing but honest and kind towards her. Time to quit the running.

"At first, I was not. I just wanted repress my thoughts...my feelings. The more I took though, the more I thought, what would it if even matter if I just take to much. It seemed like an easy way out."

Dinas eyes began to water. "And now? Do you still want to...do you still think about it?"

"I don't know."

Dina began to play with the other girls hands. Partly because she wanted to comfort Ellie, partly because she needed to comfort herself. She let her thumbs wander across the scarred, cold skin, giving them a squeeze from time to time.

"Oh Ellie...I know live's been hard on you, but please, don't give up fighting. It hurts me to see you like this. " She paused to look deep into her green eyes. "I think if you just try hard enough to get clean, you can do this. You'll get better."

"Dina...It's not like I haven't tried before. Do you think I want to be like this? It's just hard, no it's impossible. This sweating and shivering and scratching, its nothing. It gets so much worse than that. I just can't bear this." They were both crying right now. Tears silently running down their cheeks.

"You're not alone in this anymore, El." Dina wiped the tears, that keept on falling, away and touched Ellies cheek to do the same for her. "I will stay with you as long as it's needed, as long as you let me. We can do this together. We fight this fight together."

Moments passed, while the two only looked at each other, several different emotions crossing there faces, until Ellie finally nodded.

"Okay, if you're sure, but believe me it will get ugly. I will hardly be myself anymore."

"It doesn't matter Ellie, I'll be there for you to help you however I can. Do you need something right now?"

"Can we...uhm can we just watch some more?" Eyebrows frowning, the auburn haird shyly smiled. It was rare to see Ellie smile. It was a small smile but utterly adorable and Dinas heart melted at this. Getting comfortable at the couch she pulled the taller girl close to her and put one arm protectively around her. Ellies head was resting at Dinas chest now and her heart was hammering inside her own chest, as Dina began to stroke over her arms and put the TV back to live.

Ellie really tried to concentrate on the show. She really did. She also really tried to ignore all signs of withdrawal wich slowly became worse. And she really tried to ignore her loud beating heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chaptes a day as promised. both are quite easy and bright, almost fluffy...almost. Hope you like it but don't get used to it though.
> 
> Have a wonderfull day you all and stay safe :)


	11. 11

The peaceful feeling of being closely cuddled up on the couch, indulging in each others comforting presence did not last long. Ellies symptoms got worse with every passing hour. She was clinging to Dina, her nose was running constantly, she shiverd so badly but she also sweated so much. Soon not only Ellies cloths were drenched, but Dinas as well. The dark haired girl decided it was time for them to shower and change. 

It was horrifing to see the taller girl like this. The second she was out of the shower she was begining to sweat again, so Dina didn't even bother to put out new cloths for her. Ellie had more urgent problems in her head than been seen only in underwear as well. 

Dina placed a towel on her bed and moved Ellie to lie down.

"No I'm going to ruin your sheets."

"So what, I just buy new ones. Lie down Ellie, just try to rest a bit." 

Ellie did as she was told. She tried to concentrate on the softness of the mattress, on the warm light above her, on the beautiful face infront her, on anything other than her withdrawal. But her body won't let her. She couldn't think about anything other than heroine. One last time, just a small dose. Just to help staying sane. I will get clean tomorow. 

"Ellie can you hold out without me for five minutes? I want to grab a shower as well. I won't take long, I promise." Dina sat on the bed, caressing over Ellies damp hair. She tried her best to stay strong for Ellie, but seeing the girl like this made her to want to curl up and cry for three hours straight.  
Ellie just nodded, her eyes shut tight, her body visibly stiffing up. 

It was the fastest shower Dina ever had, not really minding body hygiene at all right now. She figuerd no one would care if she had shaved legs. While putting on a fresh shirt, she heard strangled noices from her bedroom and rushed back.

She found Ellie whimpering in pain. Her legs and arms were cramping. All of her toes were twisted thigtly, looking like straight out of an exorcism movie. Her veins shoot out, as if they would pump concreate through Ellies body. 

Dina tried her best to calm the girl down to get her body relaxing but it helped almost nothing. She could just watch the other girl suffer through it. It nearly broke her heart. The urge to just lie down and give up was so dominat in her head.

Dina took the hamsa bracelet, that once belonged to her mother from her wrist and put it on Ellies.

"Here, this is for good luck. You're strong Ellie, you can do this. I belive in you." She was caressing Ellies forhead, looking down at her with sorrowful eyes.

So the next hours Dina keept watching over Ellie. She gave her painkillers, cleaned her sweaty body with a cloth and changed the towel underneath her. The girl constantly switched between being too cold and too warm, so Dina coverd her up with a blanket and pulled it away after five minutes. Cramps came and went by. 

Every now and then, the taller girls body and mind would slightly relax and she tried to convince her to eat or drink a bit, but no matter what Dina fed her she would spit out everything. She threw up everything that was inside of her body long ago and was only dry heaving now from time to time.

What really got to Dinas core, was Ellies pleading. Seeing her so utterly desperate, ready to do anything, as long as Dina would give her her drug, was absolutly frightening. To think that something can do that to a person. She had to hold her, press her tight to the bed a few times, whenever Ellie tried to get out of it to get her some heroine herself.

'It will be the last time, please I can't do this now, I just can't.' Ellie pleaded, begged, sobbed and screamed at her, but Dina wouldn't let her go, stating everytime that she can do this and that she herself was there and will help her. Dina did not know how many times she already said those things to her, but what else can she say.

She was exhausted and tired. This was unquestionable the hardest thing she had ever done. She alway thought that seeing her mother pass away in the hospital after she got sick was the worst thing she'd ever saw, but this was on a whole nother level. It was just inhuman, seeing the girl, who had been growing so dear to her, in so much pain, hearing her pleading and screaming. She hoped that it wouldn't get worse and that it would be over soon. The articles she found online, sadly, said otherwise. 

It was long past midnight, when Ellie began to drift to sleep. But it was uneasy and she woke up constantly, screaming and tossing around. Nightmares plaguing her. 

Early morning, Dina noticed, that Ellie had a feaver. The girl kept mumbling incoherent things. She mentioned different names. David, Joel, Cat and Riley among a few others. Switching between cursing and apologizing, between sobbing and screaming. The most frightening thing was that she couldn't recognize Dina or her suroundings anymore. Constantly mistaking her for someone else, she would punch or kick her more than once and changed within moments to cling to her or even try to kiss her. 

Dina felt as if she was trapped inside a horror movie. It was all to much. She just couldn't stand it anymore. Dina couldn't stand anymore at all actually. Her eyes were falling close every few moments. She was so, so tired and this was all way to exhausting. She didn't imagined it to be this bad at all but, seeing Ellie like this, she began to understand why the taller girl never managed to get clean herself.

Walking to the living room, she sat on the couch. She just wanted to rest her eyes for a bit. Maybe sleep for an hour or two, as Ellie was in no condition to run away from her anyway. Within seconds she was fast asleep.

Waking up, Dina knew she made a mistake immediately. Looking for the other girl she only found an empty bed and a note. Shaky letters read, 'I am sorry'.


	12. 12

Dina was crying. How could she be so stupid. She had wittnesed the girls desperation first hand. How could she think Ellie wouldn't use the first oppurtunity she got, to get her what her body and mind craved. It was all her fault, for giving in to her exhaustion.

Thinking about the short time they spend together, she feared for Ellies live now. The taller girl had really become important to her. Her heart was racing everytime she thought about her and her stomach would get sick if she pictured all the things that might happend to her. No she couldn't loose her.

Dina needed to find her as soon as possible and she needed help. Taking in a deep breath she dialed the number of the only person in the world she trusted enough to help her. Even if this person made it absolutly clear, that he did not want to have to do with any of this.

"Hello?"

"Jesse, it's me Dina. Listen, I know you said you don't want to do this anymore. And I know that we broke up, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just...I need you right know. Can you please come pick me up? Please."

There was silence on the other end for way to long, but eventually Jesse answered.

"Okay, I'll be right there."

Ellie was stumbling through the streets. Never before had she made it this long in her withdrawal. And it hurts. It hurts so bad she can barely walk, falling down a few times, crawling a few meters, before she needed to rest and let the cramps rush through her body.

She didn't knew were she was right away, so it took her even longer to get to te park. To get to the spot were she had once dug a hole and buried her drugs. It was agonizingly long actually.   
In bright daylight people looked at her crawling down the streets, but she couldn't care less. Nothing matterd to her right now. Nothing, except of course the heroine that would put her out of her misery. 

When she finally reached the park, she couldn't believe how she was still alive. The passing hours she felt like dieing constantly. Her hands shook so bad, that she missed the vein servaral times until she finaly drawed blood into the syring and pushed the drug into her system.   
The familiar feeling of warmth spread through her body and erased all the pain. But for the first time since she became addicted, another feeling came with it. Laying underneath was the feeling of failure. In her head she could see brown eyes full of disappointment. Thinking about the other girl, about how much she had failed her, made her want to set herself another shoot instantly. But she already used it all in her desperation. 

With nothing to ease of her mind anymore, she just had to deal with her emotions. So Ellie just sat there, for hours, leaning against a tree, looking at Dinas hamsa on her wrist, crying. As she came down from her high, as the clouds left her mind, she never felt more sobre before. Her body had stoped hurting, the cramps, the sweating and shivering, the running nose, everything stopped, but her mind was spinning. Again, she had let a person caring about her down. Again she had hurt a person important to her.   
Because that's what Dina had become to her. Important. It was like a dream to her. Thinking about the time they spend together, however short it was, she felt happy and sad at the same time. Her big brown, warm eyes, her adorable smile, the freckles on her face, her caring and soft voice, the way her fingers felt when she touched her. It all sends an army of butterflies through her stomach. Ellie was falling in love, she was sure of this. But what use it was to admit those feelings to herself. Dina surely would hate her by now. She, Ellie had failed her. This is who she was, nothing more than a fucked up junky who couldn't even manage to stay clean for two days. She was not worthy of love. Not Dinas anyway. The dream turned into a nightmare.

Ellie sighed, tears were still running down her cheeks silently, as she saw a familiar figure running towards her. Dina? Ellie stumbled to her feet right befor the smaller body crushed into her own, sending them both tumbling against the tree.

"Dina? What are you doing here? Look, I'm so, so sorry about-"

But she was cut of from the smaller girl. She was cut of in the most unusual, stunning way. She was cut of with a kiss.

Even if it was a short one, Ellie could admire how soft the other girls lips felt on hers, how sweet they tasted even mixed with salty tears. Just as Ellie was going returning the kiss, she felt the smaller girl stiffen and pulling away. Dina was blushing from her cheeks up to the tip of her ears, looking down and taking a step back. 

Ellie didn't dare to move one single bit. She was in shock and her mind failed to processed what was happening to her. She couldn't stop staring at the dark haired girl and Dina didn't dared to look up. So none of them said a word until a cough was heard from behind Dina.

It was Jesse. The asian boy was standing a few meters away looking back and forth between the two girls. Somehow, this managed to get Dina out of her trance and to look up to the girl infront of her. What ever happend to her just moments ago was gone and Dina was back to her usual worried, careing self. 

"Ellie, I'm so glad we found you. I was so worried. Don't you dare to leave me like this ever again." She hugged the taller girl, pressing herself tight against the thin body.

Not understanding a thing anymore, Ellie just let her, slowly putting her own arms around the other girl. Could this mean, that Dina doesn't hate her? She did not want to get her hopes up again, but inside her chest something swelled and she couldn't do anything against it.

"I don't understand, I thought you must be hating me now. I failed you so bad."

"No, Ellie, no. I failed you, I thought I could handle this on my own, if I had just known what I was putting you through... I should be the one apologizing. Can you forgive me, Ellie?" The last words were mumbled against her chest as Dina pressed into her again, hands fisting Ellies flannel shirt.

Ellie thought she must have been gone crazy and is now hallucinating. She looked at the sky, to see if she saw pink elefants flying around, but saw none. Still, nothing in this world made sense anymore. 

"Dina what are you talking about?"

"Isn't that obvious?" It was Jesse, he went up to the both of them. He had a calm but slightly annoyed expression on his face. "Man, you two are both pretty useless. Hi Ellie, I'm Jesse by the way. Dinas only recently shed exboyfriend. I'm also the one who carried your sorry ass around when you decided to drug yourself out of this world. No need to thank me, it has been a pleasure." 

"I...uhm.." Ellie didn't know what to made of any of this. Wether of this strange not quite friendly behavior from the boy nor of the girl that was still pressing her face to her chest. But Jesse took matters in his hands again, lifting his hand as if to make a point.

"Really, save it. All I want is for Dina to be happy and if thats the way, its fine to me. So listen. If you really want to get clean I might have another option for you. But you really have to want it though. If you don't want this, you'll better leave for good now. Don't you dare to hurt her again."

Ellie took a moment to just watch Jesse, processeding what he just said, than turned her gaze to Dina, who looked up at her now, wet eyes glistering, waiting. So after what felt like ages, Ellie turned to the tall boy again and nod, no doubt in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first kiss whoop whoop! 
> 
> be safe out there and have a nice day


	13. 13

Firefly rehabilitation association was written in thick black letters on the sign atattched to the building, they were currently standing infront. Dina was holding Ellies hand the whole time Jesse leaded them to the place. None of them said a word. Jesse went for the door first but turned around to look at Ellie one more time.

"Still sure about this?" The girl nodded in confirmation. She really wanted to go through with this this time. For herself and for Dina.

Inside, the place looked like the lobby of an hospital. A very very small hospital but still. There were a few chairs standing next to each other on the wall. A small counter, with a young black woman, sitting behinde it.  
Ellie read through the motivating slogans that were written on several posters across the room. 'Hang in there', 'Every live counts' You matter, don't give up' or 'Every clean day is a day of victory'. How pathetic. 

"You must be Ellie." The woman behind the counter said, looking at her.

"Hi Nora, how's it going? Yes this is her." Jesse said walking to the counter to greet the woman. 

"Same old, same old. So Ellie, you ready to start? Come with me then. You two please wait here." Nora stood up from her chair and mentioned Ellie to follow her into a hallway. 

Ellie did as she was told, letting go of Dinas hand, who gave it a last squeez and a resuring smile. The auburn haired was beyound nervous, not knowing what will happen now, she just followed the woman across the hallway into a small room. 

"Take a seat Ellie." She said pointing towards the chair that said infront of a table. Nora went to the other chair, behind the table to have a seat herself.

"So Ellie, I'm Nora and I want to help you, but for this you have to be absolutly honest with me. Don't worry though, Jesse told me a bit about your quite unique situation, you're save here."

The girl just noded, not knowing what to say.

"Great, so usually, it is a more complicated process to become part of our program. But regarding your speciall case I will sneak you in, without the formalities and bureaucracy. The fireflies can help you to get clean and we will stay by your side for the whole process to help and guide you as much as you let us. However, this is a place of second chances, not thirds. One relapse and you are out of the program, you understand that."

Ellie nodded again.

"Okay. You ever heard about the methadone program before?"

Ellie shook her head.

"Methadone is a substance very similar to heroine. It ocupies the same receptors inside your brain, without getting you high. You will take this instead of the drug. You will only have very mild sympthoms of withdrawal, even without taking heroine anymore, but I won't lie to you, even if it fights all physical cravings, you're still psychological addicted to heroine. You still have to fight. However, as I said befor, you're not alone in this anymore. We have tons of things to offer, going from privat therapie sessions to self help groups and art workshops. I highly recommend you to try them out, espacially cause they are all for free, while being part of the program. Everything clear so far?"

"Yes."

Nora pulled out a clipboard and a pen from underneath her desk. "Okay, normaly you'd would have already been examined by a doctor, befor we even had this talk, but doesen't really matter. Do you by chance know if you have any common drug related diseases? Like hepatitis or HIV?"

"I... I really don't know."

"Ever shared the same needle with someone else?"

"No."

"Okay than, let's hope for the best. Next question. How high was your usual daily dose?"

"Uhm...It depands on how much money I had." She looked down.

"Ellie you don't have to be ashamed. I work with addicted people every day, you won't surprise me or anything. I just have to know so I can give you the right dose and the right treatment."

"Maybe, three or four gramm a day."

"Okay, how long have you been using?"

"I...uhm about three years now."

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty."

"Ever took something else than heroine regularly?"

"Not...regularly at least."

"Okay when was the last time you took drugs?"

"A few hours ago."

"Okay then, thats actually all very good, I've had worse patients, who got clean so you have good chances here. Regarding you program I still have to tell you about a few rules and matters. I will give you the first dose now and tomorrow you come here again to get the second. You have to come here every day between 6.am and 10.am and you have to take your dose here while I or one of my colleges watches you. Don't miss out a day and don't try to stop taking the methadone by yourself, even if you feel ready for it. Also only you can come and get it, so don't send Jesse or Dina to pick it up for you. If you're about to miss the window, or you're sick or what ever, just call in and we give you another appointment. Of course, we have to be sure that you don't take something else so you have to make a drug test every friday.. Don't worry it won't take long, we actually only need a urine sample. Alcohol and weed are also forbidden, by the way. After some time, depending on how you develop, we will reduce your dose more and more. When it's time for you to stop takeing the med, you will have a few days simillar to withdrawal, but after this you will be clean. Sounds worth it right? So thats pretty much all, I know it's a bit overwhelming at first. You got any questions?"

Ellie was still taking in everything she just heard. It sounded like a real oppertunity. Like a way that can get her out of this hell she created herself. Like hope.

"How long will it take for me to be fully clean?"

"We can't really say this yet, but every clean day is a day of victory Ellie." She said smilling her voice full of drama, as she quoted on of the posters in the lobby. Ellie chuckled, deciding she liked Nora.

"Okay, I think I'm ready."

"Very well, but I need your full name first, don't worry I just want to tell my collegues that they don't have to ask about your ID or something, so that you'll always get the right treatment even if I'm not around. None of it will leave this building, I promise."

Can I really just trust, this woman? Ellie considered it for a minut, when her view fell on the hamsa bracelet around her wrist. Thinking of Dina, thinking of what it would mean for them if she backed of now, she made the decision.

"Ellie Williams."

"Okay, Ellie Williams, apple or orange juice?"

"What?"

"What do you like better? It's a firefly traditon to clink glasses at the first day of treatment."

"Uhm...apple is fine I guess."

"You got it, I'll be right back."

When Nora returned she carried two cups with her, a blue one and a red one. 

"Wich one shall it be?"

Ellie choosed the red one and Nora was handing it over to her, after she put her first dose of methadone inside.

"Cheers, to the first day of your new live Ellie."

"Cheers." Ellie replied and drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for any of you wondering. The methadone program is actually a very common treatment against heroin addiction. However methodone is an other opiate, which happends to be also highly addictiv. The withdrawal is actually worse and it's not rare that the paitiens dose has to be in fact raised, so he or she don't has to suffer too much. The only good this treatment does is breaking the chain of acquisitive crime. Pretty much like a deal with the devil. With that being said, don't do drugs kids, lol. For this story however we loosen the grip of sad reality a bit, cause honestly I can't stand to see Ellie suffer this much anymore.  
> Also, I'd really like to know if anyone of you found the small matrix reference :D
> 
> Stay safe folks and have a good one


	14. 14

The first weeks of Ellies new live went by and what a time it has been. Ellie felt as if she jumped on a train without knowing were it would end. She was so used to beeing on the streets on her own, that the prospectiv of living another life kind of scared her. 

When Ellie left the small room with Nora, that day, takeing the first steps towards her new live, Jesse was gone already, but Dina was still standing there waiting. As they were driving in Dinas Volkswagen towards her apartment, Ellie explaind the program to Dina. The smaller girl was listening patiently.

"Ellie, this sounds great. I know you'll really gonna make it this time. I just feel it."

But Ellie was nervous. Not because of the program. She was pretty excited about the chance actually. But she was nervous about her relationship with Dina. Would Dina leave now that Ellie had actual help? Would she stay with her? Would she let Ellie live with her, sleeping next to her. What were they even? Dina was always so touchy with her but Ellie really didn't know what to make of this. And the kiss, they still hadn't talked about the kiss yet. What if she was thinking it was a mistake? Ellie decided, she wouldn't push her luck. Letting the matter be for awhile and waiting how everything will turn out, was probably the best idea right now.

When they arrived at Dinas apartment, Dina prepared a small meal for them and they ate in silence while watching TV. Ellie would help her to clean up afterwards and Dina pulled out a few blankets an a pillow and put them on the couch for Ellie.

"Is it okay for you to sleep on the couch tonight? I'm just reaaally tired and I would absolutly appreciate a good nights sleep." The smaller girl indeed looked really tired.

"Yeah, I mean, I didn't thought otherwise so.." Ellie was scratching the back of her head awkwardly. So much for sleeping next to the smaller girl at least.

Dina pulled her into a thight hug.

"I'm already so proud of you. Tomorrow I take you to the fireflies first thing and after this we can talk about everything. Good night El, sleep well."

"Yeah good night, you too."

The next day, Dina decided that it was too dangerous for Ellie to be back on the streets and that staying with her and sleeping on the couch, was far better to help her stay away from drugs anyway. Ellie didn't put much of a fight, she wanted to stay with Dina. She wanted to be close to this girl every single hour of the day to be honest.  
The smaller girl, however changed her behavior towards Ellie slightly. They were still cuddling on the couch occasionally, while watching a movie, they were still hugging everyday, but Dina would look away more often and wouldn't touch her that much. It frustrated Ellie, but what was she about to do about this. She could understand Dina, of course she hadn't fallen for Ellie. Who would have to be honest. Still the taller girl would take any signs of affection she'd get. 

Dina took her to the fireflies every morning. Ellie was still not used to the methadone itself, but Nora was right it kept the most physical withdrawal sympthoms at bay. She even got her appetite back.

"I think, you're gaining a bit weight already. Soon your beanpole body won't fit in my pants anymore. We should go shopping tomorrow after the fireflies." They both sat on the couch eating pizza and watching a movie.

"I don't have any money for new clothes." 

"Well, maybe you should look for a job then? Speaking of wich I have to go to work again soon so you have to take the subway to the fireflies."

"Yeah, no problem I can do that."

"What finding a job?" 

"Takeing the subway I meant."

"Ellie, You know I don't care about the money actually, but I think it will be good for you to have something to do, especially when I'm not here to watch cartoons with you all day." 

"Pretty sure I can perfectly watch cartoons alone, actually. But I understand, the thing is I never even finished high school. The only thing I know is how to play guitar."

"So, do just this then. You're guitar is still in my bedroom."

Ellie was about to argue, that she couldn't take this and that Dina already did so much for her, but she never got the chance, a flying pillow silenced her protest.

So this was her new lives routine now. Dina would wake her up in the morning, they had breakfast together, Dina would drive of to work and Ellie would take the subway to the fireflies. Afterwards she spent the day at the park, playing for stangers again but it felt different. She wouldn't glare at every passing stranger, instead she smilled at them, at least sometimes. Most of the days Dina would come to listen to her play for some time and take her home. They would either cook dinner or order pizza. Dina would tell her about her day and Ellie would tell her about hers. They watched movies, sometimes cuddleing, sometimes not, until Dina said her good nights to her.  
It were almost peacfull, happy days for Ellie, who hadn't had such an normal life for awhile. Almost.  
Everyday she still thought about heroin. It was kind of constantly on her mind and she couldn't shove it away completly. Sometimes she couldn't concentrate on anything else. Whenever Dina noticed it she would hug her thightly or hold her hand, stating that she believed in her, that it will get better over time, that she just have to fight the craving. The slogan, 'Every clean day is a day of victory' had slowly become an inside joke between them. 

What also stayed with her were her nightmares. Infact they have become worse and more detailed, due to not drugging her brain away. She dreamed of her past every night now, always waking up in horror. Sometimes, if she had especially bad ones, her screaming and kicking would wake up Dina who always came to calm her down until she fell asleep again. She was thankful for Dina, so so thankful, but she still felt bad about it.

If it wasn't for the smaller girl, Ellie would still live on the streets, crawling through each day without any hope or happines. Fuck this, if it wasn't for her Ellie would be surly dead by now.  
This kind, beautiful girl had switched her whole life upside down within barely a month. Everything had changed for her thanks to Dina. She had returned Ellie a meaning for her existence. Days previously filled with coldness and suffering were now filled with warmth and happienes.

It was definetly time to pay Dina back some of her kindness towards her. Ellie also wanted to muster up the courage to finally talk to her about their relationship, to admit her feelings to Dina. Was there a better way to ask a girl out than buy her flowers and maybe play her a love song? 

Ellie was walking through the park, wich now that she wasn't living in it anymore looked way nicer to her than befor. Guitar slung across her back, a huge bouqet of flowers in her hand she was headding back to her usual spot to met up with Dina. Suddenly she felt something harshly gripping her shoulders, pulling her into the bushes with force. 

Pressed against a tree, a strong hand thightly wrapped around her throat, she was looking at the buffed blond infront of her in shock.

"There you fucking are, you little street rat." Abby said thightening her grip.

"You've been quite hard to find lately. One could even think you were hiding from me, but you wouldn't be that stupid would you?"

Guitar and flowers had long fallen down, as Ellie gasping for air began to thrash around. She desperatly tried to remove the hand from her throat but it was no use, the other woman was by far stronger than her.

"Abby please, I need to breath." She choked every word as her face began to turn purple.

"And I need my fucking things back!" But she still let go of her and Ellie fell on the ground, her legs not willing to carry her anymore. Ellie was on all four, pannting, her lungs despreatly tried to get as much air into them as they could.

"That's more like I want to see you, you little whore. So don't you think you owe me some money?"

"I don't owe you anything." Ellie managed to get out but it only earned her a kick to the stomach. She winced in pain.

"Wrong answere, rat. Those drugs were far more worth than your skinny ass. Let's try again. Were is my fucking money?" Another kick send her tumbling to the ground.

"I.. I, fuck I don't have anything and you fucking know that." Ellie had her eyes closed in pain, tasting blood. Her arms thightly pressed around her belly, trying to ease the bruised spot. Abby squatted down beside her.

"You're right, Ellie. I know that, so let's talk a bit about how you're gonna repay me instead." Her eyes were dark with lust looking at the helpless girl infront of her.

On the otherside of the park, Dina was beginning to worry. She had waited several minutes at the place were she usually picked up Ellie, but there was no sign of the girl. The sun was slowly setting and Dina didn't knew what to do. What had happen? Ellie really seemed to get better, sure she still had those nightmares and everything but still, there was no reason for her to just disappear. The dark haired girl feared that the addiction got the better of Ellie.  
I hope she is not taking something, please be safe El, Dina thought as she went to look for the girl.

When she found her, her mind couldn't process the picture infront of her at first. 

Leant against a tree, was a tall, broad, blond woman, pants down, face raised to the sky. Between her legs was a very familiar head full of auburn red hair.

Dina just turned around and ran away, tears falling down her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh lord what have I done again...
> 
> Take care guys and have a wonderful day


	15. 15

It was late evening and Ellie felt horrible as she walked along the streets to Dinas apartment. Bruised and defeated, she was absolutly disgusted with herself. Why does her live has to be always like this. 

When she was waking up this morning, everything seems to be going fine. She had managed to stay clean for so long now and had finally decided it was time to take matters with Dina into her own hands. Why does it always have to be so hard for her. Why couldn't things stay good? No her past had found her of course. 

The auburn haired girl was standing infront of Dinas apartment, clutching the sad remanings of the flowers in her hands. She felt unworthy of passing through the door, but she really wanted to be held thight by Dina right now. Taking a deep breath, she turned the keys Dina gave her, and opend the door.

" 'm home!"

Dina sat on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest, eyes puffy and red. Had she been crying?

"Dina, what happend?"

"What happend?! Ellie were have you been? What happend to you?!" Dinas eyes widend in shock as she noticed the big purple bruise around her neck. She rushed to her, touching the scratches on her cheek, taking in the damage.

"Ellie what the fuck happend to your throat?"

"I uhm fell."

"You fell?!"

"Yeah, with uhm...the guitar around my neck. Must have got tangled somewhere and I tripped and uhm..."

Dina was sobbing now again. "Why are you lying to me Ellie? I fucking saw you with that blond woman."

Fuck what? Ellie was shocked. It hurt her, that Dina had to see even more of her fucked up live. This was not how it supposed to be. She really wanted to make an effort with Dina today, but now the smaller girl must be surly disgusted.

"I...I'm sorry that you had to see that." Ellie looked down ashamed of herself.

"Thats all you want to say to this? Thats all after everything? Oh fuck, how could I be so damn stupid, thinking that you actually liked me."

"You ...what?"

"Doesen't matter, you have your blond hercules now, right? Just go to her if you like her so much more than me."

"What? No. You think I actually like Abby? No, Dina she's just...she is someone from my past. A fucked up person I met when I first came to Seattle. I had this kind of agreement with her, where she would give me drugs when I had no money and I would...do things for her. I don't like her at all, Dina. You have to belive me. She just...When I had met her the last time I stole her drugs and she was looking for me...and... Dina, I'm so, so sorry you had to see all of this. I don't want to be this fucked up anymore. I really want to be better, but my past keeps finding me and... I just tried so hard to be good enough for you. To be a worthy person for you, to be what you need, what you deserv cause I..I.. Dina I think I'm falling for you"

Dina was looking at Ellie, who had spilled out her heart infront of her. She just keept watching her face, looking for any signs of doubts, until she finally raised her face until ther were only centimeters apart.

"I think I'm falling for you to Ellie." She whispered.

It was Ellie who closed the gap then. Letting her lips ghost all to lightly over the smaller girls until she felt her reply. The taller girl was in heaven. All those years on the streets, she couldn't imagine to be ever this happy again. But now, kissing Dina, Dina kissing her back, everything felt right.

They countinued to kiss each other softly. Taking in the others lips tast, scent and softness, getting lost in each other, until Ellie felt Dina gently bit her, pulling at her underlip, pulling her slowly towards the couch. 

Ellie eagerly followed the smaller girl, hands tangling in her soft hair. Their kisses grew more passionate. Dina turned them both around, guiding Ellie to sit on the couch and sat on top of the auburn haireds lab, straddling her. The smaller girls lips hat found Ellies neck some how, placing featherlight kisses on the bruised skin. It felt to good to be true for Ellie. Feeling the weight of Dinas body on her own, feeling her hot breath on her skin, hands resting on the her hips, feeling the soft skin underneath it, she was about to explode.

"D..Dina, are you sure about this?"

Dina was tracing her jawline with kisses now.

"I am. I wanted to do this to you for a long time now. I want to feel you, Ellie" She was looking right into Ellies eyes saying this. The usual warm brown eyes were dark with desiere. 

"Are you sure about this, El?"

Ellie gulped and nod, the feelings Dina awoke in her slowly overwhelming her. A tingling feeling spread between her legs and Ellie was careful not ruin anything. 

Dina on the otherhand wasn't wasting another second. She crashed their lips together, letting her tongue slip over Ellies lips to ask for entrance. The taller girl opened her mouth and let her tongue explore it, chasing it with her own. Everything grew so extremly hot between them.

Dina was letting her hands wander up and down the taller girls body, lifting up her shirt to touch bare skin. Ellie was still very thin, but felt so, so good underneath her. When she pulled back from Ellies lips a moment and stripped her of her shirt completly, Dina could see the bruises that coverd her stomach.

"Oh El, what has she done to you." She traced the purple marks with her fingers and placed soft kisses on the skin above them.

"Doesn't matter anymore...I just want to touch you Dina."

"So touch me then." Dina said with a smirk an took Ellies hand to place them on her breasts. As Ellie played with them, appreciating how full and soft they were, she was sure she never felt so hot in her entire live.

They continued to make out, shareing heated kisses, tongues fighting for dominance. Cloths were stripped, as they explored every single spot on the others body, worshiping them with kisses, soft bites and gentle touches. Dina was grinding on Ellies thighs, gathering as much frichtion as she'd get, her core starving for attention. 

"Ellie, I want you, please." Dina pleaded as Ellie was sucking on her neck, not careing if she left a mark. 

So the taller girl fliped them over. Dina was laying on her back, Ellie on top of her, legs resting between her own. She drove in for one last kiss, befor she kissed her way down on Dina. Ellie took one of her nipples in her mouth, tongue twirling around it before biting down the sensativ flesh. The dark haired girl hissed at this, but feeling Ellie soothe it with a few featherlight kisses a husky moan escaped her mouth. She needed this kisses somewhere else, right now. Dina grapped a handful of auburn hair and gently pushed Ellies head down were it belonged.

Ellie chuckled at this, but she got the hint. She stoped the teasing and let her tounge slide between the wet folds. Doubting that she ever tasted something better in her entire life, she eagerly countinued to eat the smaller girl out. Switching between long and soft laps and short hard licks, sucking and blowing, she drawed all kinds of noises out of the other girl. Hearing her moan and pant spurred her on even more.

Never in her entier life had Dina felt like this. She was so turned on right now. Her insides felt as if they were on fire. One hand still tangled in that soft hair the other gripping the blanket underneath her, she was about to loose her mind. The things, Ellie did to her, it was about to wreck her. Suddenly, the taller girl stoped. Dina was about to complain when she felt slender fingers enter her. 

"Fuck oh god Ellie!" she moaned loud, not careing one bit if anyone heard her. For all she cared the whole world could know that Ellie fucked her right now and how she good she just fucked her.

The auburn haired settled for a slow but steady pace. Letting her fingers slide in and out of her, hitting just the right spots, hitting her deep and good. Dina was slowly about to come, but when she felt Ellies mouth on her clit again sucking, it sended her over the edge and into the abyss in a rush.

Ellie still moved inside of her slightly, letting her ride out her orgasm as she kissed her way up the dark haired girl again until she reached her lips and went for a slow passionate kiss.

Dina was still coming down from her high as she tasted herself on Ellies lips. The other girl was so confident in what she just did, it amazed her, but she really loved this side of the girl.

"Fuck, Ellie, fuck. That was so hot." 

"You're so hot." Ellie said as she gently kissed Dinas earlobe, snuggling close to her.

"No Ellie I mean it, that was propably the best sex I ever had."

Ellies propped herself up on her elbows and looked at the still panting girl infront of her, eyes darkening at what she just heard.

"Good, because I'm far from done yet." Ellie drove in for another kiss and another round but Dina stopped her, getting up herself.

"Easy there tiger, why don't we head for the bed first. Haveing a bit more space so I can repay the favor?"

Neither of them were getting a single minut of sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided it would be nice to update a bit sooner after I left you hanging with the last chapter. I hoped it helped and we are cool now again, aye?
> 
> Will update the next chapter later so see you soon. Stay safe and take care


	16. 16

The first rays of sunlight fell through the curtains on two tangled bodies. Dinas head rested on Ellies shoulder, who had her arms slung around the smaller girl. It wasn't exactly comfortable for the dark haired girl, Ellie was still thin and her shoulder bones were poking her ear, still Dina felt too much at peace to even move one bit. They had been staying like this for awhile now, just enjoying the feeling of closeness, talking about everything and nothing at all. 

Tracing the outline of Ellies collarbone with her fingers up and down her neck, Dina couldn't believe her luck. Having Ellie here, being hold by her felt like a miracle. Her fingers stopped when they touched the cold metal of Ellies dog tag necklace. Slowly, she began to follow the chain until her fingers touched the tag. Ellie noticed it and was slightly shifting.

"Will you ever tell me her story?" Dina asked as she mindlessly played with the tag in her fingers. 

Silence fell upon them until Ellie took the tag from Dinas hand and looked at it for awhile, taking in a deep breath and started to speak.

"Her name was Riley. Riley Able. We met in the military orphanage in Boston. She was a bit older than me, a bit bolder than me, always punching the boys who said mean things about me. She was my best friend. Maybe she was my only friend back then. We were always getting in all kinds of trouble together and the older we got the worse the trouble got as well. So one night we were sneaking out again and she told me of this old building she found, that was about to be demolished the next day. Some kind of office building I don't know for sure. So we were sneaking inside of course and there was still so many things left there. Like tables and chairs and stuff, even some old computer. We kind of trashed everything apart. It was one hell of a night, really." Ellie chuckled.

"You broke into a building and smashed everything apart.... as a kid? How old were you back then?"

"We we're troubled angry orphans and nobody needed this stuff anymore anyway. I was thirteen back then. Riley as well, but she was about to become fourteen soon. That was the whole point I guess. When you are fourteen in the system you get sent to military school in bumfuck nowhere. So this was kind of a...farewell party."

"Okay. I think I get it. What happend next."

"Well as I said we were having the time of our lives and Riley pulled out a lighter and a few hairspray bottles. So we pretty much fucked the place up for good. We gathered enough broken stuff to make a nice bonfire and then we we're just sitting for awhile, watching the flames...talking. I knew it was not her decision to go, but I was still scared to be without her and I just kissed her. I don't know if she was actually scared or just wanted to fool around but she said something like 'catch me loser' and ran away. So I went to chase her and while we were running around, the fire got out of hand. Pretty quickly actually. I was looking for her, screaming for her but I couldn't find her, so I thought she must have already be outside...but she wasn't. So I ran back inside but there were flames everywhere and then Joel came and dragged me outside. Riley she...she didn't made it out."

Dina had gotten up to watch Ellies face as she finished her story. The taller girls eyes were slightly red, fighting against the tears. The dog tag was clutched thigtly in one of her hands.

"Thank you for telling me this. Thank you for trusting me. Ellie, I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't your fault." she tried to comfort the other girl.

"Yeah, sometimes I try to tell this myself, but if I wouldn't have kissed her, she wouldn't have run away and if I just had keept on looking-"

"If you had keept on looking, you would have died too Ellie. I mean it was a pretty reckless thing to do, but it wasn't your fault. Stop tortouring yourself El." Caressing her cheeks she tried to ease the other girls doubts away.

"Can I ask you another question? I don't want to push you, but I'd really want to get to know you. All of you Ellie." She moved down to kiss the auburn haired softly. She wanted her to trust her with everything, but figuerd it would be hard for the taller girl to share. Dina could almost feel Ellie melt under her lips, so she moved away and Ellie noded.

"Will you tell me who Joel is?"

It took Ellie awhile to answere her.

"Joel is...I don't even know what Joel really is for me. Maybe the closest to a father I ever had. He was a police officer. It seemed to be always him who catched us when we were causing trouble. At first I hated him, I guess. Who wouldn' hate the person that always draged you back to the place you tried to escape from. Where education means endless push ups or three weeks of toilett cleaning. Ugh those toiletts were the worst. But Joel he was always looking out for me in his own way. Most of the time he would at least get me away with a few things. After that night Riley died, he was visiting me in the hospital and he asked me if I wanted to live with him from now on. We kind of became family. He teached me how to play the guitar and he helped me with my grief. It was a really good time kind of. He nevere beat me for my swearing, never even screamed at me. And I really was a trouble maker, I think this never changed. " She sighed and looked at the other girl, waiting for a respons, but Dina just smiled at her so she continued.

"I don't know what he was thinking though. He never really talked that much about feelings or anything. He never told me why he took me in, but he must have been seeing something inside me that I couldn't. Oh well. I still really miss him."

"Hmm, Can't say that he was wrong. There really is something special about you Ellie." Dina moved to straddle her hips, bending down to kiss along her collarbone. Ellie was almost purring as she felt Dinas lips over her skin again. 

They've had sex for the bigger part of the night and Ellie felt sore in the most pleasent way but still, being kissed like that she couldn't get enough of the smaller girl. It was like getting high. Like her new personal drug. Maybe she was about to get addicted to Dina.

"So you went to live with him then, what happend? Why did you never tried to go back to him?" Dina nibled at her earlobe biting down softly, pulling at the soft flesh. The previous night, she learned that the taller girl really liked this. And it indeed drawed out a moan from Ellie.

"Mmmm Dina.." It was hard to focus like this.

"Yes Ellie?" Dina asked between kisses.

"Do you want to hear my sad story or do you want to eat me? Because you can't have both."

"Hm sadly I think we don't have time for any of it. It's time for real live now. Which means work for me and fireflies for you." She tried to get up but Ellie pulled her down again, flush against her chest, wrapping her arms and legs around her to hold her down.

"Come on Ellie, I mean it."

"No fuck it. I wanna stay here with you. Real live can bite me." Ellie held her tight and placed a few kisses on her shoulder.

Dina chuckled. "You're really into that biting stuff huh? Come on now the sooner we get up and get everything done the sooner we can come back." She tried her best to wriggle out of the tight embrace but Ellie had gotten surprisingly strong the last weeks.

"Ellie I'm serious, stop it, you have to get to the fireflies."

But the taller girl didn't moved one bit and was only grinnig like an idiot.

"Stop that shit eating grin and let me go."

"Or what?"

"You asked for it.." 

Ellie shrieked and jumped right out of bed as Dina was tickling her sides.

Later that day, Dina sat in a cafe, sipping from the coffee in her hand, waiting. The storys Ellie had shared with her this morning had caused Dina to think about their futur together. She really wanted to have a good live with Ellie. But first the girl had to face her past, of that Dina was sure. She heard the chair infront of her moving and looked up from her cup.

"Hey Dina, everything good? You look tired."

"Hey Jesse, nice to see you. Yes I'm fine just had...a long night. How about you? You look really good." She tried her best not to blush infront of her ex. But if he noticed he didn't showed her.

"Yeah I've been fine working out much lately. Well you wanted to see me?"

"Yes I wanted to thank you for what you've done for Ellie. She's so much better already and that's all because of you. So thank you."

"It was just a phone call really, no need to thank me."

"No I mean it. If you wouldn't happen to know this Nora, Ellie would have never even had the chance to get into that program."

"She owed me one. It's alright D really."

"Still, you did so much for her...for me."

Jesse was silent for a moment. "So it offical...you and her then?"

This time Dina couldn't even hope that Jesse didn't catch her blush. She was practically burning.

"Hey it's okay, I meant what I said. As long as you're happy I'm happy. Are you happy though?"

"Thank you Jesse, that means a lot to me. And yes I'm very happy. Ellie, she's just special."

The tall boy noded. "Okay that's good I suppose, but Dina I know you long enough now, you didn't just called me here to thank me."

"Yeah right. Since you know so many people... I need your help again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah well I really enjoy writing them happy together. Has been a real pleasure reading your comments on that last chapter. Thank you all so much.
> 
> Have a nice day and be safe


	17. 17

Ellie was looking at the poster that said 'look for the light'. It was a new one, picturing a drawn firefly. It wasn't even bad compared to the others in the room. Nora came into the lobby and cut her out of her thoughts.

"Ellie, there you are. Will you come with me please. I have something to discuss with you."

The auburn haired followed her into the familiar small room and sat down.

"So Ellie how are you feeling?" Nora asked smiling as she pulled out a folder and skipped throug its sheets.

"Peachy. Really good actually, far better than the last few years for sure."

Nora laughed at this.

"Yeah, I can see that. You're really looking so much better compared to when we first met. Way healthier. All muscled and strong, skin color of a living human. Things are good with Dina, too?"

Her relationship with the dark haired girl was no secret to Nora. They have seen each other almost daily over the past months so Ellie slowly began to trust her. It was nice to feel safe with someone and beside that Nora was a really easy and fun person to talk to.

"Yes, its all going really well. Sometimes I still can not belive this. I owe her so much. Uhm I mean I owe you so much as well so thank you. Really." She scratched the backof her head, smilling shyly at Nora.

"Aw look at you all sappy. No need for that Ellie. It's kind of my job. But I'm happy for you really. I think without Dina it would have taken you so much longer to get back on your feet. Speaking of wich, I've talked to my colleagues and we all think it's time for you to enter the last stage of your treatment."

"You mean I..."

"You should stop taking the methadone."

Ellie gulped. She had enticipated this day. She really had, but she was scared nonetheless. What if she still couldn't do it. As long as she took the med, everything was fine but what would happen without it. What if she had a relaps. Would she be strong enough to stay clean?  
Nora must have caught on her hesitation, because she placed a hand over Ellies and gave it a short resuring squeer. 

"Ellie, I'm not forcing you if you're not feeling ready jet. But I really think you are. You can do this."

Ellie was still not sure about this. But she pictured Dinas smilling face, when she told her this and it helped. There was hope. This time she would make it. So she nod.

"Okay, I think I'm ready." 

"Okay, well thats it then. You can still come here to talk whenever you want. And it would be nice of you to show up some time, so we all know that you made it and you're well. I'll miss you weirdo." Nora said smiling, her eyes slightly glistering.

Ellie smilled at her as well. "I'll miss you too, thank you so much."

"Ah well, let's stop now befor we get too emotional. You still prefer apple?"

After leaving the fireflies Ellie went to play at her new spot, to earn a bit money so that she could gift Dina some flowers for real this time and tell her the good news. Over a month had passed since that incident with Abby. 

At first Dina urged her to just stay home and safe, to take at least a few days off from her 'job'. But Ellie refused, she was sure she wouldn't see the broad woman again. They were even now. The blond had said so herself. 

It just felt good for Ellie to be out and play, to earn some money so she wouldn't depend on Dina completly. It gave her live a bit of a structure. The smaller girl was still worried and she convinced her to at least play somewhere else in town. Make it at least a bit more difficult in case Abby went to look for her again.

She also gave Ellie an old phone so she could always text or call her if something happend. It took her awhile to get used to this device. In fact she still was about to figuer it out. Dina would always laugh at her, because seeing a girl her age struggling with a smartphone like a seventy years old lady was absolutly hilarious. Ellie would pout at her and said it was not her fault, cause she never had a phone befor. Dina would laugh even more at her adorable pouting face. Kissing seemed to be the best way to silence the dark haired girl for sure. Besides those kisses eventually lead to other even more pleasent things. Needles to say that Ellie hadn't slept another day on Dinas couch since they've both revealed their feelings. And it never failed to sent an army of raging butterflies through her stomach when she thought of Dina and their relationship.

And now she was about to get clean. Really clean. She had a home, she had friends and she had a warm, careing, beautiful girlfriend. Even her nightmares had become less now that she was always sleeping cuddled up to Dina. She just felt safe. It was a breathtaking unbeliveable feeling indeed and a small voice inside her head constantly asked when she would fuck it all up for good.

Ellie thanked the old woman that handed her a bunch of red roses. Maybe it was a bit to much and she felt slightly awkward, as she walked through the streets with them. But she was confident, Dina would surely liked them and even if not, it was not like as if she would dump her because she got overly romantic.

When she entered the street where they both lived she could make out a figure on the porch. It was Dina, waiting for her.

"Hey babe. Are those red roses? You got me red roses?" Dina asked gigling.

"Uhm yeah, I was thinking uhm...you don't like them?" So much to being confident. 

"I love them El." She loved to see this shy smile of hers, but it was time to put her out of her misery. Dina went to give her girlfriend a kiss and take the flowers from her hand. "Wouldn't have taken you for such a romantic though. But I apreciate it. What other secrets does my knight in shinnig armour keeps from me?" The smaller girl lets her eyelashes flutter and looks at Ellie like a lovestruck fool. Which she kind of was. They both were to be honest.

"Stop mocking me Dina...I uh I finished my treatment today. Had a talk with Nora and she thinks I'm ready."

"Ellie that's...wow that's great. I'm happy for you, for us, I really am. I just... wished I would have known sooner."

Ellie was confused. She thought the smaller girl would be ecstatig about the news. 

"Uh why? Something wrong?" 

"Well, I kind of have a surprise for you too...Just come inside and please don't freak out." Dina went for the door and Ellie followed her curiously.

Inside their shared home, on their couch sat a man in a flannel and blue jeans. His hair and beard were gray and his face was creased. But there was no mistaking him.

"Hey kiddo, 's good to see ya, 'been some time."

Her brain failed to comprehend what was happening. Panic began to spread in every part of her body as she stared at Joel. Her mouth hung agap. So this is it now? That's how her new live was about to fall apart. She fucking new it was bound to happen but not this soon.  
Ellies mind went to overdrive. She could try to run. She could try to run and take Dina with her. She knew the streets after all, they could surely outrun Joel and the police, hide and disapear again. She had managed to do this for six years, she can do it again. 

But Dina had brought him here. Was it on purpose? It must have been a mistake. Ellie wished she had told her that she was essentinaly a murder hiding from the law. But Dina must have known this. She read her journal. Of course she had known. She had known and still she had brought Joel, a cop, Davids former partner here into her home. It was no mistake. She felt trapped. Everything was a lie, every past moment was a lie that lead them here. Her head hurts. Her heart hurts. She had to get out of here.

Dina caught her struggling, saw the panic raise in her girlfriend. She tried to calm her by touching her arm but Ellie practically sprung away from her.

"Babe?"

"Don't you dare to fucking touch me!" Ellie yelled and Dina flinched. The taller girl didn't waste another second as she saw Joel getting up she turned, slammed the door shut and ran away into to the cold dark night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy times are over? we'll see..
> 
> be safe out there folks


	18. 18

Dina was shocked and confused. What the fuck had just happend? She really didn't understand the other girls actions one single bit. Shouldn't she be happy seeing Joel. She said she missed him.

"Well, that went down the drain. I apologize Miss Dina, I shouldn't have come. There must be a reason she didn't wanted to see me all those years. I appreciate your attempt but..."

Suddenly Dina knew what scared the girl. And she knew what Ellie was about to do now. Oh no. This fucking idiot.

"Fuck. No. Joel I'm sorry, please wait I'll get her back." And with this she was out to chase after the auburn haired.

Dina was running along the streets looking for Ellie, fear and panic creped up inside of her. Ellie would disappear, if she didn't find her soon. The girl would try everything to get out of town. The more time passed the more Dina could feel her slip away. It was like a physical pain. Her lungs burned as she was breathing the cold nights air but her heart ached even more, like it was going to explode. Why did she have to be so blind? Why didn't she thinked this through. She knew Ellie and how she reacted to certain things. Another fear slipped in her mind. Fuck what if Ellies answere to the recent events was to take drugs again. Ellie was strong, thick headed and really getting better, but Dina also knew that she was fragile, deeply wound and absolutly no expert at dealing with unpleasent emotions.

She felt lost. What if Ellie had run into another direction. The city was so fucking huge. Tears clouded her vision. She had to find her, she just had to. Dina couldn't picture her live without the auburn haired anymore. Her legs where shaking and she feared she wouldn't be able to continue this marathon any longer, when she saw her. A dark figure, leaning on a wall with one hand on it the other on her knees, heaving. Looked like Dina wasn't the only on who lacked a bit of stamina. But seeing her spurred the smaller girl to sprint out to her, giving everything she got until she leaped and tackled Ellie to the ground, right as the girl was about to turn around.

"Fuck! Bloody hell, get off me!" Ellie was thrashing around in panic but Dina had nailed her tight to the ground. She won't let her go no matter what.

"Ellie! You have to calm down!" Dinas heart was about to burst. Ellie was freakingly strong in her panic, fighting against the body and the small hands that held her down with everything she got.

"Fuck you. Fuck you Dina. And Fuck all your lies. And. Fucking. Get. Off. Me!" Ellies green eyes were full of hatred. Dina had never seen the girl this angry befor. To hell she had never seen anybody this angry befor in her entire live. It really scared the shit out of her. And it hurt, even if she knew it was all a misunderstanding.

"Ellie will you calm the fuck down for fucks sake. It's all a big misunderstanding. Ellie stop thrashing around! Please"

"No, fuck let me go! Dina let me fucking go now. I fucking trusted you!" Ellie tried her best to get up. Tried to bend her legs, her arms, her back anything to shake the smaller girl off. It was now use. She trashed around with her head, maybe she could knock Dina out with a headbutt. It only cause her to hit her head on the concreat though.

"You stupid thickheaded fool. Stop it now, you'll only hurt youself. Fuck Ellie I will never let you go. It all has been a big misunderstanding. Nobody is going to hurt you and fuck OUCH- "

Dina didn't know how the other girl managed it but she wrigled herself out far enough to bite down on her arm. Hard. But Dina wasn't going to let go. She would never let go of the girl underneath her, trashing and biting and screaming in panic like a wounded animal. So she just hold her down let her rage on until she had no power anymore. Slowly the fight left Ellies body and she began to sob in a heartwrecking way. 

Maybe she would listen now. At least she didn't try to punch, kick or bite the hell out of Dina, who still hold her thightly pressed down.

"Will you finally listen to what I have to say. Ellie this is all a missunderstanding really. I know what you think. You think that you're a fucking murdere and that the police is looking for you to sentence you and put you into a fucking cell but this is simply not true! This was never the case. Ellie they were never looking for you to take you in. Are you listening to me Ellie. You are free, you always were."

"You're lying. You're fucking lying. You work for them."

"Are you listening to youself right now? Fuck Ellie. I'm not lying to you. I've never been lying to you. Fuck Ellie I love you." Dina knew she never said it out loud and this was maybe the most unsuitible situation for it but it seemed to calm Ellie down a bit. The taller girl stared at her, panting, sobbing but eyes wide open. The red of her eyeballs brought out the green of her iris even more. If it wasn't for this fucked up situation Dina would lean down and kiss the hell out of the girl.

"Yes Ellie, I love you. I fucking love you. So will you please calm down and listen." 

A strange kind of silence fell upon them like a blanket. Well, it wasn't exactly silent, both of their heart beats were hammering like a bass drum and the panting raged breaths were like the strangest melody to it.

"You...you love me?"

"Yes. Yes of course you stupid, stubborn, useless, wonderful idiot."

"What?" Ellie was only staring up at the other girl, no more fighting no more trying to run.

"I will let go of you now, okay. No funny buisness." She loosend the grip around Ellies wrist caerfully, leant back and straightened back the hair that freed thesmself out of her bun. Dina was still straddling the auburn haired just to be safe. "Ellie the police was never going to hurt you in any way. They were after you because you ran away. Joel had reported you missing, Ellie. That's why they were looking for you. You understand this?"

"No this can't be. Dina I killed one of them. I stabbed him in the face for fucks sake."

"Ellie he had raped you. It was self defense."

"But there were no cameras in this room, how would they know if he raped me."

"Ellie I love you but you can be so dumb if you want to. David was a crazy pedophil police officer rapist, who did that to you in a police station. Of course they found it out. They're freaking detectivs."

"I..does this mean they..?...and Joel? And ...and you..?"

"Yes, yes and yes Ellie. You're safe okay? Nothings going to happen. You're safe." 

The taller girl however confused she still was, visibly relaxed until she started to cry again.

"Dina I'm so so sorry. I feel so fucking stupid. I'm sorry that I've ran away, I was just so scared and I panicked and Oh god, Dina I bit you. I didn't want to I was just-"

"Shhhh you dork. I aready said that I love you. I'm not mad at you El. Relax okay, everything is fine. Come on now, you can tell me how you want to make it up to me, while we go back. I think there is still someone waiting for you." Dina got up and hold a hand out to Ellie, pulled her up and like this, hand in hand they walked back home.

Standing infront of their apartment Dina turned to face Ellie on more time. Ellie had relaxed over the time they were walking back, her eyes were only slightly red anymore.

"El, you don't have to face him now, if you don't feel like it. I can send him home if its too much."  
But Ellie shook her head. " No I really want this." 

"I'm proud of you babe."

Inside, still stitting on the couch was a very awkward looking Joel. The man got up as the two girl entered and was looking straight at Ellie, who looked right back. Nothing else happend until Dina clapped her hands together.

"Well I'm going to make some coffee and leave you two alone a bit so you can...uhm talk."  
Dina left the room, closed the door behind her and went for the kitchen.

Joel was still Joel, even if he looked much older, even if he looked stressed out, nervous, fearful even. The man just watched the girl infront of her. The girl that once was like a daughter to him after Sarah died. Ellie had changed so much. She wasn't the cheeky small fourteen year old girl anymore. She was all grown up. A grown up woman, indeed. Joel wished he could turn back time. Watch her become the young adult she now was. He wanted to reach out to her, to embrace her, to say how sorry he was that all this happend to her, but he didn't dare to move. What if it would scare her again, what if she would just disapear again, what if he would loose her again. His eyes stung with tears.

"Ellie..." 

It broke the spell that hung above the two. The girl rushed to him, into him, pressing her face into him as she ebraced him and he returned the gesture. It felt so good to finally have her back again.

"Fuck Joel, I'd missed you so fucking much. I'm so fucking sorry that I ran away." Ellie sobbed into his chest.

"Shhh kiddo, I got you. Everythings fine." He waited till she calmed down a bit, trying to swallow his own tears. 

"Still got that foul mouth of yours I see." He said smiling and Ellie smiled back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys can you feel it? the shift in the air, how all loose ends slowly conect to each other does this mean...
> 
> for all of you who are wondering, yes fuck is my favorit word in like every language. I use it at least twenty times a day even if I'm alone or at work or at a date or what ever. the total fuck counter for this chapter is 29. Is that a bit much? Maybe. Do I give a single fuck? We'll never know.
> 
> Have a great day you all and be safe


	19. 19

The sheets underneath Dina felt soft and compfortable. She was sure she could easily drift away within seconds. This nights events had left her exhaustet both physically and mentaly. Since she met Ellie this feeling of being uterly spend and worn out has become more present in her live than ever. But she wouldn't want to miss this for anything in the world if it means she could be with Ellie. She really loved her. And she had said it to her and she had meant it. This was crazy, she knew it, but she couldn't care less. The feelings inside of her, Dina always had when she thought about the auburn haired, when she saw her smile, heard that husky voice, looked into her beautiful sad eyes, they were overwhelming. Like her heart would extend and fill out every part of her body, letting its drumming beat rush electric waves through her. This, this must be what love feels like. And for this feeling she would gladly be exhausted for the rest of her live now.

After Ellie and Joel had shared their heart warming hug, they talked for over an hour, more or less. It was strange to see them both. Joel seemed to be as bad with words as Ellie, Dina could clearly see where the girl got her emotional competence from. Or lack of. They both were so much alike. Both had the habit of scratching the back of their heads if they got shy and out of words. Both would easily get silence. Both seemed to like taking the blame on theirselfs. 

It was an on going back and forth of shaming themselfs. One apoloigize, after another, after another, after another. It was ridicoulus. At some point Dina just had to interfere. From there the conversation went better, kind of. They were both pretty happy to see each other again, so, after the apoligize marathon came the 'thank you so much Dina' marathon. It was kind of cute too see them both, trying to express themselfs. They both filled in each other at what happend over the years. Ellie was ashamed as she told Joel that she became a user and addicted and Joel was ashamed as he admited that, after some time, just believed she was dead and stopped looking. They both were awkwardly silent after their confessions. Both gnawing on their guilt. So Dina tried to brighten up the mood as she told Joel that Ellie was a very talented musican and that she knew that Joel had tought her. She left out the living on the streets and depanding on it part.It was dumb but it still helped. So they talked a bit about guitars and playing.

As the clock was moving forward Joel excused himself. He left Ellie his telephone number so they could stay in contact and they hugged each other, again apologizing and forgiving.

She heard the bathroom door closing and felt the dip of the mattres as Ellies body fell face first next to her. 

"Looks like I'm not the only one whos tired." She shifted closer to her girlfriend and stroked over her hair, still wet from the shower. Ellie only let out a muffled grunt and a soft huming, feeling the soft fingers caressing the back of her hair. Dina pulled her close so she could rest her head on her chest and covered them both with the blanket. It was time to sleep and they both truly needed it. But one thing was still on her mind and she felt the need to get it out of her head. Dina played with the soft baby hair on Ellies neck and didn't really know how to bring the matter up.

"Ellie?" The taller girl answerd her with a low hum, seemingly drifting to sleep already.

"Baby, I wanted to ask you, what do you want Ellie?" The head on her chest shifted and Ellie was proping herself up to look at the dark haired girl. Green eyes met brown. 

"What do you mean? I only want you Dina." The smaller girl leaned down to give her a peck on the head.

"Good. I want you too. But thats not what I've meant. What do you want from live Ellie?"

Ellie just looked at her for a moment. She didn't knew it herself. The past years she was living without a destination in live. Living from day to day, from shot to shot. Now it was different of course. With Dina by her side, no reason to run and hide anymore, almost clean, it was time to give her live a meaning again. But all she wanted was to be with Dina. Everything else didn't matter. 

"I don't know. I guess I never thought I could get this far. But I am happy now, with you. Why are you asking?"

"Well I've been thinking. You know about futur and stuff. About you and me. You don't have to run anymore and you even made up things with Joel and your treatment is over and I know you still have to fight and all but I think we could really need a vacation. Or maybe more of a fresh start."

"A fresh start?"

"Yes Ellie. Let's just go away. We can start over new. No past will hunt you anymore. Let's just leave all the bad memories behind. We can make new happy memories together. You can finish high school if you want. Or you just stick to the guitar. Maybe you start drawing again or you find something else doesen't matter. And I could find a new job and every evening you can play me a song, when I get home exhausted. And we'd cuddle and watch movies or we just have sex the hole day. We just go somewhere else, a nice place where no one knows about us. You know, I've been in Seattle all my life and I like it but I've always dreamed of a quiet peaceful life. Maybe we buy an old farm somewhere in the mountains. Whith a few sheeps and a dog or maybe a cat to keep the mice away, just the two of us. What do you think?"

Ellie was quiet a moment and one single happy tear rolled down her cheek and a wide smile spread on her lips.

"That sounds really good. I think I'd like that really much." Ellie leant up to her to kiss her. She tried to put all her feelings for the smaller girl in it. It was a long, soft, gentle kiss. No rushing, no teeth clashing, no tounges fighting, no lip biting just sweet soft lips telling each other everything they found no words for. When they part both girls were smiling. Pure affection. Happy and content to be with each other. 

They settled back in bed to rest in each others arms and Dina was drifting to sleep when she felt Ellies slender hand pull at her shirt.

"Dina?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you too."

Ellie didn't have a nightmare that night. Instead she dreamed of her new live full of hope, warmth and love and Dina. When she awoke the dream became reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys we did it. The fucking rollercoaster finally stopped. I know the ending is short and sappy, but what can I say, I only wish for these girls to be happy together. Thanks to all of you who read and commented through this mess, I hope you had a good time. I defnitly had.
> 
> So I wish you all the best. Take care and have a good day!


End file.
